Happy solstice! [joyfull]

The semester is finally fully behind me. [relieved]

Jacob Jones is prepared for disembarcation.

Jacob Jones got that last book. It was used, so I’ve got a lot of erasing to do.

The bookstore didn’t have the one book I wanted, but they did have calligraphy sets. [happy]

Jacob Jones is slowly remembering how to drive in winter. [uneasy]

No-where seems to carry caligraphy pens anymore.

Damn it, this computer doesn’t have a number pad! I can’t even use the “fn” button! [angry]

They got rid of the one game at this arcade that I play. [pissed off]

Jacob Jones finally has a computer again! [joyful]

Jacob Jones is no longer a teenager. [excited]

After spending how much there, I finally got a Barnes & Noble membership. [happy]

http://ping.fm/JGdkZ

An up-to-6000-character message to the world, to return in a few millennia.

Tekken 3 just beat me in ways I didn’t know it could. [frustrated]

My phone’s weather alerts obviously weren’t made by a Minnesotan. ‘wind chill near 27 exected.’ So what? [annoyed]

If Facebook ads are tailored to our interests, then why do I keep getting ones for Christian sites? [confused]

I just had to get here right when the train did… [bored]

http://ping.fm/p/nxnHy – From an actual poster in East Snarr.

Jacob Jones has an intense craving for a cheeseburger.

Jacob Jones can’t get a straight answer on when Tekken comes out. [anxious]

Jacob Jones has seen as many Michael Jacksons as he has zombies. [displeased]

The weirdoes are out in full force tonight (go figure). [creeped out]

Correction: bacciferous refers specifically to berry-bearing plants.

Random word of the day: bacciferous (fruit-bearing).

Japan Night doesn’t have copsticks? Are you fucking serious? ‘l MSUM [pissed off]

Japan Night’s starting. Shouldn’t have brought my coat. [hot]

Sweet, Oriental food! (Tries to use chopsticks) Damn it, this is Western rice! [disappointed]

Jacob Jones got a call from hold music today. Hung up: didn’t have time for his shit. [bored]

To teach us what it’s like for students learning English as a foreign language, our teaching class taught a lesson in Moroccan Arabic. [confused]

Jacob Jones finally has a dorm! About motherfucking time. [happy]

Spanish Scrabble, finally got my financial aid, and learned to spell ‘Tekken’ in kanji. Today is a good day. [happy]

Jacob Jones ha encontrado Scrabble en espaol! Hoy es buen da. [feliz]

If the laundromat costs $3.50, then why do I still have to pay in quarters?

Jacob Jones may have finally worked out some of the kinks of Ping.fm. [happy]

got to sit in on a 7th grade Latin class. [happy]

Turns out the Rapture is tomorrow. Again.

finally has a copy of Zebraman! [happy]

at first misheard and though Patrick Stewart had died. [releaved]

wants a copy of Zebraman. [wahh!]

back in his old stompin’-grounds. [nostalgic]

just found a recipie for cookies called ‘carajitos’ (little cocks).

is now ‘Supein-jin’ (the Spaniard) in Japanese class.

sees more beggars daily than he ever had in Brainerd. [triste]

Dear Taco Shop: please warn me next time you decide to put pineapple on my burrito.

has never been in a library this big. [bewildered]

had to leave a day early. Sorry Stacy. [tired]

Fuck you, BIR. [pissed off]

now knows why they make cat shampoo. [enlightened]

looks kind of like Teen Wolf. Or a Tellarite.

Actual business: Generic Rent-a-Car. [generic]

We must blow up the meteorite before it explodes!

Why the hell is Bumblebee’s interior pink?

just saw a new Oxy-Clean commercial. It had a cheery, soothing spokeswoman.

just found out where Flüfie hides at night. And that there’s a hole in my boxspring.

Dogs are terrified of Fluufie.

got a new cat. Name is Floofy. Or Flüfi. Didn’t give a spelling.

just changed from CD to radio and got the same song (different artist).

This band doesn’t even know the lyrics.

saw a woman with her kid on a leash. Such a sad sight.

Everyone is weirded out when I refuse a flag.

is early for the parade.

Happy Saturday!

There’s some sort of half dollar sized jumping spider in my room.

Walmart is now carding people after curfew.

finally got his degree in the mail!

Happy 25th birthday, Tetris!

just saw The Grudge 3 on store shelves. Swears it was just a rumour a couple of months ago.

¡¿Dónde coño estáis, mi clase?!

is about to start his last day at CLC.

had his first bilingual dream. ¿Cómo se dice «fucked up (on drugs)»?

Well, I guess there is no final today…

has rediscovered Tetris.

Damn you, time change! I can’t get to sleep.

just waited in town for hours, only to find his class cancelled.

Just waited in town for hours only to find my class cancelled.

So much for spring.

Everyone keeps wishing me a happy “V.D.”

keeps getting wished a happy “V.D.”

Happy Darwin Day!

It’s weird that my human sexuality book uses the irregular plural “clitorides,” but not “penes.” Furthermore, Google Chrome’s spell checker only recognises the same (on the other hand, it doesn’t recognise “Google”).

Spaced is awesome.

tiene frío.

To Taco John’s: please change the name of your “hot” sauce. I can drink it without flinching.

has reached pro status in every sport in Wii Sports!

has “Rock Me Sexy Jesus” stuck in his head.

Okay, so I know New Year’s is a holiday and all, but is it really worth closing for?

was laid off from work.

New Year’s Day, 2009

Well, I’m getting “Happy New Year” texts, and unless my friends are completely out of synch with reality, that means we’ve gone through another Gregorian year. All is set: I’ve made it to midnight (but it’s been a while since I haven’t), I’ve put up my new calendar (and decided that I really should have put more thought into something I’ll be looking at every day for the next year), and resolved to… No, wait, I haven’t done that yet. Blog more? Sure. I don’t think I’ll go back to daily entries, but less sporadic writing couldn’t hurt. (Note: neither could an occasional “Hey, Tomen, get off your arse and write!” from my readers)
In other news, I got laid off from work. New year, new job (hopefully). Not such a good pair, but oh, well.

Automotive woes

Well, this is fun: first, I went in the ditch. Luckily, it wasn’t that far from work, so the security guard helped pull me out.
The next day, I ran out of gas. I called AAA, and they got me some.
The day after that, I blew a tyre. I was close to home, so I put the doughnut on and went home, figuring I’d replace it the next day.
The next day, the doughnut was flat. I had AAA tow me to my mum’s house, since everywhere was closed (you’d think the 25th were some sort of holiday, or something). The tow truck wouldn’t start right, so it was all starting to sound like the premise to some Asian horror flick (the car is cursed!)
So, how were your holidays?

Happy solstice, everypeoples! Feels like it’s been winter for a while…

now has an IMVU account. Guest_tomensnaben, naturally.

Translation

Just for shits ‘n’ giggles, I put my Xanga Page through Babel Fish. I am definitely not a fan of machine translation, so don’t expect to see any of these published (if you want me to write more in Spanish, just ask. If you want any other language, you’re out of luck.). I will, however, share some of the more interesting results.
First, I translated it into Japanese, just to see what my blog would look like in that language. I must admit, I liked what I saw:

It did, however, point out my spelling errors:

And, something really weird happened when it got to Spanish entries:

Now, seeing as I had it set to “English to Japanese,” I didn’t expect it to understand the Spanish. But adding “の” to the end of every word? I think that “の” shows possession, so… Yeah, that gets me nowhere. Oh, well.

So, next I figured I’d translate it into a language I can understand, i.e. Spanish. I haven’t read the whole translation, out of fear that it will cause my eyes (or, at the very least, my Spanish skills) to melt and drain of my head on to the floor. But, here are a couple from the first two entries:
“The year of the month of the day.”

And, my personal favourite:

The English title is “Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-chan.” It’s a show about an angel that bludgeons people (a “bludgeoning angel”). Babel Fish has decided that it’s a show about bludgeoning an angel. That made my day.

Please, go to Movie Day! Today at 3:30 in the Brainerd Public Library!

Thursday is movie day at the Brainerd Public Library! Bring movies at 3:30, we’ll vote on which one to watch.

is back up to five days a week at work!

I’m back up to working five day’s a week!

I have high-speed Internet now!

So many supervillains are robbers and/or murderers. Where are all the super-rapists?

finally has a warm house! He had forgotten what it felt like to have his hands thaw.

Nineteen

So, Monday was my nineteenth birthday I haven’t mentioned it because I was too busy with my gift. I got a Wii.
It’s incredible. My mii is spot-on. I’ll have to take a picture and post it. And although Resident Evil 4 at first annoyed me (I really don’t like the reticule instead of laser aiming), when I first got to a part with quick knife use (especially el Gigante), it got really fun. You really get into it when you’re actually slashing the knife (I hated those parts when it was pressing B).
On my birthday, I ate at a new Mexican place called “el Tequila.” It was really good: nice food, friendly staff, and no-one insisted on talking to me in English (Last time I went to an authentic Latino place, no-one would believe that I spoke Spanish). I’d recommend it.

got a Wii, and has a damn sexy mii.

is now nineteen.

Happy birthday to me.

Lost my wallet for a bit. Luckily, nothing was missing when I found it.

The last three movies I saw (Death Note, Stranger Than Fiction, and Zebraman) are, coincidentally, all about writing becoming true.

sees snow!

For every person who does a horrible act, there are a hundred who fantasise about it.

I has a sick.

has no heat at his house.

During the election, people cared about Obama’s stance on things. Now that he’s won, he’s just black again.

On the one hand, Obama won. On the other hand, if things go bad, I can’t say I voted for the other guy.

I’m liking daylight savings. I actually feel rested for once.

is probably going to vote tomorrow.

won’t be working this pay period.

Fixed. Maybe.

I fixed Ping so that it won’t be posting microblogs to my long-standing blogs. The others, maybe. So, if you see any title-less new entries somewhere they shouldn’t be, please tell me.

Halloween is the only time you can give candy to strangers’ kids without looking like a pædophile.

How come my Netflix and credit card offers can pay their own postage, but my statements and voter registration can’t?

has published his first comic! Please read: it’s in my pictures.

So I go to work, and find out that I had the night off, but they called my old number. Good thing I had to pick up my cheque.

has found his pens! Comic coming soon.

So I stay up all night preparing for my speech, only to realise it isn’t until Monday.

Are there any recent American horror films that aren’t white-washed versions of Asian ones?

Ping.fm works again. Man, that was scary.

Night shift followed by morning. This is going to suck. @lWork

After seeing The Grudge, I’m ashamed to have ever thought that Ju-on didn’t make sense.

can’t sleep… Ju-on will click at me.

can’t sleep… Ju-on will click at me.

just got his passport.

We gotta get out of this place…

I just got my passport in the mail. Every page is watermarked with patriotic imagery and quote. Maybe that’s to discourage you from ever using it. It has just the opposite effect on me.
Some interesting things to note about it:
–Everything is written in English, French, and Spanish, likely because we border Mexico and Canada. It would be more international if they replaced French with Mandarin, though (in my opinion).
–The Spanish translation is surprisingly accurate and legal-sounding (can’t say for the French). However, one should note that for “surname” it says “apellidos.” Plural. Now, in Spanish-speaking countries, people often have two surnames (one from each parent), but, regardless of what reactionaries may say, we are not a Spanish-speaking country, so that would only apply to a small percentage of the population. Actually, it would be better to have the English as “surname(s),” but either way, Some consistency would be nice.
–Dates are in the international standard order of “day month year,” as opposed to our “month day year,” with months abbreviated, instead of as numbers. I guess we’re willing to make some accommodations to the standards of the entire rest of the planet.
But, at any rate, it’s in my safety deposit box, and ready for whenever I decide to go. Hopefully soon: I am saddened to say I have never left the country.

I just got my passport. All the pages of patriotic imagery make me want to leave even more.

Pepper keeps trying to kill Minimus.

I’m working on my first comic strip.

Wal*Mart is awesome at midnight.

Maybe if I stop leaving for work so early, I won’t have to sit in the car for twenty minutes.

Ping!

I think I have solved my blogging woes. I got an account at Ping.fm, which posts to multiple sites at once. I’ll have to try it out: it doesn’t seem to have tagging capabilities, so I guess I’ll still have to go in and edit posts later), and it doesn’t cover some of my sites (Gaia Online comes to mind), but it will make posting less daunting.
And, of course, my setting it up would not be complete without getting an account at nearly every one of the sites they support. I’ll get those URL’s to you later: I need to go to bed.

I’ve been blogged!

     So, I was doing an ego search (i.e., Googling “tomensnaben”), and found that I am actually mentioned somewhere by someone else! Here, to be exact. Well, I suppose it’s more so my Latin, but still, if I can be cited as an authority on something, even something so minor that contributing at all makes you an authority, I’m happy.
     This calls for a celebration! Any ideas?

College! And…er…more sites.

Today was my first day of junior college. Nothing much to report: just the general handing-out of syllabi and professors talking about themselves and the course. The classes seem nice enough, though.
I also got some new blogs: Vox, MindSay, and Blogster. Now, hear me out: each new blog gives me new features and opportunities to ignore. But this one sounds really fun: MindSay has a wiki. And I automatically have my own page. It requires an account to edit, so i guess it isn’t a true wiki, but still. I can’t wait to see what sort of stuff people say about me on it.
Oh, and I’m going to be on my own at last. Mum’s moving in with her boyfriend at the end of September, and letting me stay here. I’ll have to pay the bills and whatnot, but Ill be alone without having to scour the horrors of the housing market. Student loan time! (I also have to get a laptop, since my current computers are going to shit).

¡Lo cogí!

I finally got a job! I’ve been looking since the beginning of the summer. It’s at Cragun’s, as a dishwasher. Okay, so it’s only a trial employment, but still. I have to trim my beard for this job, so I’d better keep it! Oh, well–at least I don’t have to shave it off completely, and I’ve already gotten rid of my red spiked hair.

And afterwards, I saw a sign there saying “no through traffic.” I was so excited to see decent, competent spelling that I almost went through it, not realising what it actually meant. Whoever decided it was alright to use “thru” should be shot. In my opinion, it’s like having a sign that says “STOPZORZ LOL ;)!!1!~~” One of my dreams in life is to make a fast food place with a drive through.

At any rate, it’ll be nice to have some cash flowing in, assuming I can stop myself from spending it on Transformers.

Earlier today, I was struck by several tonnes of sheer awesome.

     My niece, whom I haven’t seen in years, and her two children whom I haven’t even met, are coming up here this August, along with my other niece and my sister, whom I haven’t seen in the same amount of time. I don’t think this news could possibly be any better.

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Tags: niece, visit, awesomeness, awesome

Graduation

    Well, I’ve finally graduated from high school. I don’t think that it will really, fully hit me until I’m not there in the spring.
    When I got the gown, I thought that I would feel grand when trying it on. In reality, I felt fairly silly. You can definitely tell that this outfit was thought up in the Renaissance: no other time period would think of a mage’s robe with a hat topped with a square.
    The actual graduation was fun. As is tradition–at least here–people snuck in beach balls and tossed them around during speeches. But one student this year had something a little more interesting: an inflatable phallus. When it flew up out of the crowd, the speaker finally said something. Unfortunately for her, that something was “You should just hold on to your balls.”
    Afterwards was GradBlast, a bizarre event put on by a third party–I think. Basically, you go around playing carnival games to win funny money, with which you then gamble, and then exchange for raffle tickets for very dorm-oriented prizes (I, for example, won a “3-in-1 sandwich maker,” which is really a sort of generic George Foreman grill). By the end of the night, the dealers stop caring (if they ever did), inflation runs rampant, the funny economy collapses, and they run out of tickets with you still holding BHS$50,000. Of course, the games and prizes are the fun part, and the main attraction, so no-one but the economics students notices.

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Tags: Graduation, Renaissance, balloons, beach balls, phallus, GradBlast

Let’s get the Flock out of here.

    I’m going to try and bring all of these web logs back. You see, I’ve lately been daunted by the idea of keeping all of my sites updated. On top of that, I haven’t had the Internet at my house, and Netscape just kicked me off of itself, because it’s apparently going to be discontinued.
    But those seem to have righted each other. You see, Netscape pushed me on to some bizarre third-party thing called “Flock.” I was less than thrilled at first, because it called itself “the social web browser,” so I was worried that it would do something stupid, like allow others to use my account or something (I’m still a little worried). But, it has its own built-in blog poster, which I’m trying now. If this works, I’ll be able to post to Xanga, Blogger, LiveJournal, and two new ones: Blogsome and WordPress (maybe I should stop getting random accounts) at once. That leaves only Yahoo 360°, MySpace, Gather, and Gaia Online to copy and paste to (that is, after transferring my back entries, which I may not do with these new ones.
    Also, I got an account at a site called “Schola,” so you don’t have to worry about any more Latin entries. Spanish, I don’t know about. I need a way to keep these separate, but don’t know what it should be.

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Tags: blog, Blogger, blogs, Blogsome, Flock, Gaia online, Gather, Internet, Language, languages, Latin, LiveJournal, MySpace, Schola, Spanish, to do, web, WordPress, Xanga, Yahoo 360

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Pensad un poco.

Hace seis horas salí de una reunión de los estudiantes del 12º grado. Allí había un hombre que nos dijo que—por corto—si lanzaríamos dinero a su compañía, nos daría muchas cosas que no valen nada y se pondrán en la basura inmediatamente después de graduarnos. Y me parece que muchos tontos hagan lo que dicen, porque nos lanzó dinero. –Eh, ¿sabes lo que acabo de decir? Bien, aquí están cincuenta dólares—. Desafortunadamente, no lo lanzó a mí. Posiblemente sabía que soy cínico e iba a reírme sobre esa reunión. Pero, tenía todo: libritos para fotos, anuncios sobre la graduación si somos demasiado holgazanes hacer nuestros propios—que probablemente no se verían peores—y todo en que podéis pensar con las palabras «Seniors 2008» en él. Casi me sorprendí que no tuvieran tampones.
De anuncios más buenos—pero menos graciosos—esta tarde hubo un día de películas malas en la biblioteca. Tuvimos muchas películas, de todos tipos—blancas y negras, 怪獣映画 (kaijū eiga, o películas japoneses sobre monstruos), y baratísimas; pero sólo vimos dos.
La primera fue The Valley of Gwangi (no sé si hay una versión española oficial, pero se traduce a «La valle de Gwangi»). ¿Qué sería mejor para un día de películas malas que una sobre vaqueros y dinosaurios? Pero algunos hablaron durante el diálogo, porque era clichés aburridos. Pero al final aprendieron cómo ver películas malas: os burláis del diálogo, no sólo de los efectos especiales. Pero todos se rieron sobre la última escena: el dinosaurio sigue los vaqueros en una gran iglesia en México—porque, por supuesto, quiere comer la gente en la iglesia, y no la cerca de sus pies—y después de una pelea, lo matan en un fuego. En la calle, la gente ven, felices de que el monstruo está muerto—es muy emocionante, si olvidéis su iglesia. No les importan que su iglesia de siglos de edad está destruyéndose en un fuego, y en un desierto, el fuego no va a quitarse allí para siempre, y—esperad, ¿una iglesia de piedra se destruye en un fuego? Eh, no es importante.
Después, porque fue tan mala, vimos La noche de los muertos vivientes, porque fue escrito bien. Pero, estos fueron todos. Por eso, obtuve Rodan de la biblioteca.

May 12, 2007: There is no vice so simple but assumes some mark of virtue on his outward parts.

Well, AP is over–for this year, at least. And, as of 11:40 this morning, I can discuss the Lit essays. But not the multiple choice. Never the multiple choice. And not the Euro essays until tomorrow, 4:05.
At any rate, they were okay. One regarded a very funny poem about a history teacher who changed events to protect his students’ innocence:

The History Teacher

Trying to protect his students’ innocence
he told them the Ice Age was really just
the Chilly Age, a period of a million years
when everyone had to wear sweaters.

And the Stone Age became the Gravel Age,
named after the long driveways of the time.

The Spanish Inquisition was nothing more
than an outbreak of questions such as
“How far is it from here to Madrid?”
“What do you call the matador’s hat?”

The War of the Roses took place in a garden,
and the Enola Gay dropped one tiny atom
on Japan.

The children would leave his classroom
for the playground to torment the weak
and the smart,
mussing up their hair and breaking their glasses,

while he gathered up his notes and walked home
past flower beds and white picket fences,
wondering if they would believe that soldiers
in the Boer War told long, rambling stories
designed to make the enemy nod off.

Nice, eh? I couldn’t agree more.
At any rate, one of my latest obsessions is a game on Seibertron.com called “Heavy Metal War.” It’s sort of a mission based quasi-MMORPG, in which you create a team of Transformers and have them battle others, in area battles or specific missions. Nearly no graphics, but very fun.
Now I must go on to my other blogs, which have been neglected even worse than this one.

Entry for March 11, 2007

Well, I’ve found the camera, and am now finally doing a photo post.
Our dog, Lucy, had her pups! Twelve of them, though three were stillborn.
Ain’t they cute?
I also got my World’s Smallest Transformers. I was a bit disapointed, though: I thought that they came in randomly packaged boxes of six each, and got four. Apperantly, though, they came in randomly packaged boxes of one each, and I got two Thrusts.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

This is awesome: my Spanish teacher just offered to let me skip two years! This way, I get to go strait to AP Spanish from Spanish II. Of course, I’ll have to learn all of the information, but my ability to learn quickly and self-teach were two major reasons for her offering. So exciting! I mean, I’m already bored stiff in that class–after all, we are still on chapter two, and really haven’t done much to speak of (all review and vocabulay). It’s a nice language, and the teacher is neat, if a bit eccentric, but during the endless review all I think is “man, I’d like to actually learn something!” That or “¿Jey? Es hay, ¿no? ¿Somos en el primer semestre de español uno? But, all of that may change!
In other news, I have been having bad luck with library books as of late. First, I wanted to get The Anarchist Cookbook, after reading Mr. W—-’s copy’s instructions for making plastic explosive from bleach. After all, who wouldn’t want to know such things? Then I found out that not only is it reference, but also damaged! Damned anarchists. Then, I ordered a copy from Pine River, which said it was “availiable.” And by “available,” of course, they meant “reference.” Then, upon W—-’s suggestion, I ordered Œdipus Rex. Now, with a name like that it must be in Latin, Right? So now I’m sitting here with a Greek and English Ωιδιπους Τυραννος (Oidipous Tyrannos). Sure, it’s still good reading, but I don’t get to strengthen my Latin–which I’m going to need, seeing as I just opened up an account for my Latin blog.

Well, it’s another birthday. This year it’s seventeen. And I must say I had a wonderful time. Where to begin…
I got to start off the day alone, meaning I didn’t have to wait for anyone to wake up before I left. This was about the best thing that happened to me all day. For shortly afterwards, I got a call from my mother stating that not only did I have to bring her shoes to her, but that my birthday party was to be held there. Where is “there?” Why, it’s the house of my mother’s boyfriend, a man whom I have known for roughly one week. Now, I consider my birthday to be a very special and familial event. Not enough to where he couldn’t be invited, but certainly it shouldn’t be held in a stranger’s house. I said so, though not quite so eloquently, and she was adamant that I go and hold my party there. I’ll get into that in more detail later.
Then after getting locked out of Spanish before school and listening to an anti-flippant speech–I, personally, have always been a great admirer of the form–I got to write a DBQ. Now, for those of you who don’t remember, that is where you are handed a series of documents on a particular topic and must write and essay about them. Only this year there’s a twist: you must draw all of your conclusions from the documents–for they choose something obscure, this time the extent to which women were encouraged to be educated between the 16th and 18 centuries. Last year’s question in AP US History (I’m in AP European History this year) was on the changing role of women from the Colonial period to the Civil War, including the Mothers of the Republic and the Cult of Domesticity; which led to an interesting pair of quotes, though the second, in my opinion, didn’t get enough credit: first, the good ol’ Puritan-basher and nudism causer from the quote compendium, whom I sould give and alias, even though I already used her real name on my comment on the Xanga version of that post: “I don’t like women anymore!” Followed by the course’s instructor: “I thought that that was a genetic predisposition, and you didn’t get a choice in it.” Regardless of this, it was a miserable essay as I failed to prepare, and only ended up writing half of it by the time class finished.
Then in English ’twas a similar tale, though I ended up handing in nothing. And on to lunch, where they had Polish sausage on main line. So, of course, I had to take it. And with the main line trays being so small, I walked away from lunch hungry.
On the plus side, after getting my name on the local radio, though I didn’t win–and I did last year, and so it makes sense–I had two people who heard the announcement wish me a happy birthday. Would that their wishes had been fulfilled…
So, after an all-right next few hours, I went to my mum’s work in order to tell her that I wouldn’t be at her boyfriend’s place for my birthday, as it would be completely inapropriate. And she was going far to quickly with this one, which she promised she wouldn’t. She insisted, as my sister was coming, and I begrudgingly accepted and left. Maybe on the way home I should have unbuckled and crashed: I mum’s grieving is anthing like her love, she’d be over it in a fortnight. Anyway, at home I got a call saying that she would call it off if that’s what I wanted. Yes, of course. If I don’t want to hold my birthday celebration in the house of someone whom it would be a streach to call an acquaintance, someone who’s name it takes me ten minutes to remember, someone whom I could not pick out of a croud, then I must want no party at all. So finally after some time she called back saying that her boyfriend was willing to take the party to me if that’s what I want, but no-one else could make it to my house because this was all planned out already, and couldn’t be changed. Great, so she organised a party in a strange house with people I don’t know for my last birthday before eighteen, and didn’t consider me in the equation untill it was too late to change it. She sounded somewhat teary, but like they say, sometimes you have to let them cry it out…
So I said, “okay, I’ll have a meal–a nice, polite meal–there, and then we can have the cake and present-opening here.” For my sister’s sake, I let some cake be eaten there. So what happens? What should be and hour, hour-and-a-half ends up being three hours, during which, in more of mum’s wonderful logic, they placed a candle atop the cake and sang “happy birthday.” Then we went home and mum’s boyfriend talked to me endlessly about unrelated things–I’m not trying to be your father, that kind of thing.
So, though it didn’t turn out that way: Felicem diem natalem.

Sick… can’t think. Oh, Xanga has tags… that’s interesting. Volo dormire… This is what a normal person’s blog entry looks like , isn’t it? Too bad I had to miss Cervantes… Who was playing him? My tonsils hurt. I hope I don’t have to get them out… I like having them. I might be psychosomatically worsening my illness’ affect on my mind. What’s Norwegian like? I heard it was like drunken German. Xanga adds a lot of spaces. My linguophilia is getting out of hand–I’m downloading a Chinese Bible. Know any free programs to read other things? The bible one is pretty good, but I don’t want to read the same thing all the time.

Challenge: what language did I translate this into and out of using an internet translator:

The sick one… cannot think. The OH, Xanga has modifications… that it is interesting. To sleep of Flight… That is the entrance of the blog of ché normal person is similar, is not? Equally Badly I have had sig.na Cervantes… Who was playing it? My tonsils have damaged. I hope that it does not have to obtain it outside… I appreciate to have it. I could psychosomatic get worse my diseases I interest on my mind. Which thing is Norwegian as? They are felt to me that it was like German drunken. Xanga adds to the spaces a lot. Mine linguophilia it is to exit of the hand–I am transferring a Bible from the system centers them towards the satellites Chinese. To know all the free programs in order to read other things? The Bible one is good graceful, but I do not wish to read to the same thing all the time.

Got it in the mail. Any critique would seem to be over-doing it at this point…

A week or two ago: tempus vomit

Steve…Irwin…dead? How the fuck did this happen. I mean, I know how it happened, but how could it happen? The man who taught us to poke deadly creatures with sticks… The man who taught us that it’s okay to wave infants in front of crocodiles… The invincible Steve Irwin. It’s a sign of the Apocalypse, I tell you.
Now all we’re left with Jeff Corwen. True, he’s the coolest wannabe ever…but he’s just that—a wannabe. But, maybe his career will skyrocket, now that he’s at the top…or maybe people who have never heard of him
Well, in lighter news, I heard “Stairway to Heaven” backwards. You see, that’s one of the few songs that actually have something to say. I was told it was a verse-long Satanic anthem, but when I reversed it all that I heard was an emphatic “Satan” twice and a shaky “666.” How boring. But, there is still hope: I recorded it off of the radio using a cheap microphone and the default sound recorder. I’m hoping to hear Queen’s “Another one bites the dust,” which is supposed to say “it’s fun to smoke marijuana.” And then there’s supposedly a Weird Al song that says “Satan eats cheese whiz.” No “Paul is dead,” but oh well.
Now that we’ve lost the sombreness, it’s time for that English lesson I promised: the use of profanity. Now, swear words are a very important thing in a language: they give teens a reason to learn foreign words, spark censorship debates, and everyone recognises them. I mean, what’s the most unchanging word in the Romance languages? Merda. Even in Romania, where a mater is a mama and a caballus a cal, merda is still merda. And even a French mère atop her cheval will concede that it’s merde. Why do I bring this up? Because our profanities are collapsing. Now, sure, certain words can be used as interjections, and colloquial expressions like “this shit is great” are perfectly fine—after all, swearing is largely colloquial. However, even profanities have their own, separate meanings and associated phrases. I have heard—I shit you not—“what the balls?” Are we really that pathetic? Admittedly, this is an extreme example—but we are rushing to the edge of a precipice. If this trend isn’t fixed, in a couple of generations we will hear, in common speech, “kiss my fuck.” If that were to happen, I think I would be too embarrassed to admit that I could speak English.

Blogs: Which is the best?

The reason that I haven’t updated in quite some is that I’ve been transferring my blog onto Gather. In light of this, I think I’ll start my blogs back up with a quick review of the sites that they’re on—more in-depth reviews may come later.

XANGA
Age Limit: Thirteen to join, eighteen to view entries rated highly.
Layout options: A few colour changes, background music. The real good thing is that you can add your own codes.
Profile: In-depth
Time coding: Automatic.
Titles: Ninety characters
And does it tell you when you’ve exceeded this limit: Of course not.
Ratings: Enforced—you select what you are comfortable viewing, as long as it’s not older than you are. Unfortunately, It’s very vague and American (e.g. if it’s inappropriate for a thirteen-year-old, it’s inappropriate for a seventeen-year-old), and others can rate your entry.
Groups: “Blogrings” (interests) and “Metros” (hometowns)
These are for: Finding similar blogs.
Limit: 6
Tags: None
Separate sections for: Reviews, events, memories (can be uploaded by others).
Foreign characters: Become ?’s in the blog (though not in the reviews). (“Æ” and “œ” are okay)
Comments: E-mailed to you. Happen every once-in-a-while.
Price: Free, but pushes for paying constantly. Many features are confined to Premium.
Pictures: For free, it’s something like two. Premium gets more, and Premium Plus gets infinite (though they can only upload a certain amount a month). Anyway, they’re only for display.

The first site my blog was on! As such, it has always held a special place in my heart. There are some problems. For example, I have never gotten a reply when I’ve e-mailed for help. And then there are “E-Props.” These are supposedly a way to tell someone you like their entry, however they are illogically defaulted to two—the highest rating available. This means that even if you have comments like this {link to “vile bigotry and hatred” comment}, you get two. And then there’s the Xanga Block. It’s not a problem, it’s just strange. It’s an option that lets you restrict viewing of your Xanga site to people logged in to Xanga. Everyone praised it as a wonderful addition, but I don’t see the point.
All in all, I give it four stars, along with one brown dwarf (almost a star—think Jupiter) for the prospect of premium.

YAHOO 360°
Age Limit: Must be eighteen.
Layout options: Pre-made themes.
Profile: Somewhat full.
Time coding: None—by default the date is your entries title.
Titles: One hundred characters
And does it tell you when you’ve exceeded this limit: Yes, after submission.
Ratings: None.
Groups: “Yahoo Groups”
These are for: Sending out newsletters and e-mailing 2000 people at once.
Limit: As many as you can handle.
Tags: None
Separate sections for: Reviews, RSS, Calendar.
Foreign characters: Accepted.
Comments: Supposedly e-mailed to you. Never gotten one, though my page has been viewed hundreds of times
Price: Free
Pictures: A few. For display.

Us too! Yahoo gets into blog world. What’s nice is that you only need one account for all of the Yahoo services. So, if you have their e-mail and listen to LaunchCast, why not get a blog? The interesting thing is, Yahoo groups are for, as I said, mass e-mails. So, even though they’re listed on your blog, they really have nothing to do with it. These are interesting, but you can get to where you’re getting five hundred e-mails a day. Really, I only go there when I have to (i.e. when I update).
I give this site one star, for effort.

MYSPACE
Age Limit: Must be thirteen to join, eighteen to do anything.
Layout options: Colour changes, background music.
Profile: Pervasive.
Time coding: Date and time can be changed. There is about a six year window on the past and a three year one on the future.
Titles: One hundred characters
And does it tell you when you’ve exceeded this limit: Yes, after submission.
Ratings: None.
Groups: “Groups” (How original)
These are for: Discussing topics on a message board and uploading photos.
Limit: As many as you can claim to be interested in (for the sake of spamming, of course).
Tags: None
Separate sections for: Videos, Friends, News, Calendar, Groups, Pictures (Blogging is really a small part of it).
Foreign characters: Disappear on the blog and become gibberish on the groups.
Comments: “Hey baby. Even though you don’t have a picture, I think you’re cute. Pay for an account at this site and you can see me naked: nonexistent.geocities.com/”.
Price: Free.
Pictures: No limit that I know of. Can be commented on.

MySpace is evil. It is an over-hyped, overly-pop-culture, ad-saturated, nauseating site where the pages randomly stop loading more often than not. The only reason I go there—aside from updating—is because one of the groups I belong to actually has something interesting to say.
I give this site two stars, one of which has collapsed into a soul-sucking black hole.

BLOGGER
Age Limit: None that I know of.
Layout options: Colour changes, pre-loaded themes.
Profile: Alright.
Time coding: Automatic.
Titles: No limit that I know of.
And does it tell you when you’ve exceeded this limit: …
Ratings: None.
Groups: None.
These are for: …
Limit: …
Tags: None
Separate sections for: Nothing—it’s only a blog.
Foreign characters: accepted.
Comments: E-mailed to you. Haven’t gotten any.
Price: Free.
Pictures: None.

A pure blog! No extra bells and whistles to sell it to the public. As such, it requires minimal advertising. It also shows what blogs have been updated recently on the homepage, allowing you to see many strange and interesting blogs. And you can have multiple ones per account, if you’re into that kind of thing.
I give it three, since it’s a good site, despite its lack of features.

BLOG-CITY
Age Limit: None that I know of.
Layout options: A disturbing amount. Really, customising can consume you.
Profile: Pretty detailed.
Time coding: Automatic.
Titles: No limit that I know of.
And does it tell you when you’ve exceeded this limit: …
Ratings: None.
Groups: None.
These are for: …
Limit: …
Tags: It saves your previous tags—allowing you to pull them up with a click—and lists your most used ones on the side of your page. There is also a feature that allows you to see recent blog entries with those tags.
Separate sections for: Management, Tags.
Foreign characters: Accepted.
Comments: Listed on management page, but when you click on them, it says that you have none.
Price: Free.
Pictures: One. For display.

Well, it’s another site…
Two and a half stars.

GATHER
Age Limit: None that I know of.
Layout options: None that I know of.
Profile: A few categories.
Time coding: Automatic.
Titles: No limit that I know of.
And does it tell you when you’ve exceeded this limit: …
Ratings: Five “adult” categories—language, nudity, violence, explicit sexual activity, and “other”—which you have to check if your article contains that. This is displayed in small red text at the top of your article.
Groups: “Groups” again
These are for: Publishing articles to select audiences.
Limit: None, and you only publish articles to the groups you want.
Tags: You enter them at the bottom of the entry, and then in another window it suggests other tags that are often used with those tags. Also, they are used on everything. In fact, that’s how you look for things.
Separate sections for: Groups, Friends, Tags, Recently published.
Foreign characters: Turned into long lines of gibberish.
Comments: E-mailed to you. Happen frequently.
Price: Free.
Pictures: More or less a form of entry—comments, tags, the works.

Xanga may still be my favourite, but Gather has to be the best. The interesting thing is that it isn’t really a blog. You post your articles into a sort of communal bulletin, where people view everyone’s at once. This always makes me feel like I have to change the title for Gather, so that it actually reflects the article. After all, I don’t want false advertising…
I give this site the full five bright, life supporting stars.

Well, there you have it. My report on the blogging community: an interesting collection of whiners, extremist nutjobs, and, worse still, both.
Seeing as this entry should really be geared toward all audiences, my English lesson—“the use of profanity”—will have to wait.

Thursday, June 29, 2006: Pædicabo ego vos, et irrumabo.

Well, once again the government are debating burning of the flag. You see, some in this country see the flag as a holy icon, something worthy of such deification, and allegiance pledging (under God, of course). And as such, they are saying “you can’t burn the Flag. If you let people do that, they won’t respect It, and people worldwide will hate us.” Of course, flag burners already don’t respect it, and people already hate us, but that’s beyond the point… Oh well, at least you don’t have to spend time thinking of a way to protest.

But, that’s not all of the news. They’re also debating allowing race to be considered when deciding if someone’s a terrorist. Hopefully I didn’t disturb the neighbours, yelling at the radio.

In light of these events, I’m open for country-shopping suggestions.

4//: Itchy. Tasty.

Well, as I said last entry, schola perficit. By now schola perfecerat, so in honour of scholæ perficientis, I have decided to do a compendium of humorous quotes that I have heard in ISD-181 in my five years here.

“Vegetarians can eat chicken as long as it’s organic.”

[In reference to the Puritans’ belief of “The Elect” doing well] “How could they believe that when the Bible says that the only way you can be saved is to give up everything you own?” [I’m not entirely certain of the wording of that one]

[In reference to the student quoted above] “Actually, she’s a lot better than she used to be.”

[In reference to her again] “If she gets valedictorian, I’ll walk across the stage naked.”

“In Hebrew there are five words for love. [Lists the four Greek words for ‘love’]”

[In reference to Jesus Dress-up] “You know, this could be considered sacrilegious.”

“Don’t go out with people. You know, you get emotionally involved, and then you just break up at the end, and then you’re crushed…
I have a friend who says ‘Well, I’m not going to get married, because you just pay for the wedding and then you have to pay for the divorce.’ Well, then, just don’t get divorced.” [Not sure I about that one, either]

[When hearing about pre-4000 BCE Egypt] “But the world is only 6000 years old. It says so in the Bible.”

“…the three major world religions: Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. I guess Hinduism and Buddhism are getting up there, but for now we’ll call these the big ones.”

[In response to the question “When is Easter?”] “It’s whenever the Church says it is.”

[In response to “Who was Buddha?] “The god of Buddhism.”

“Voy al restaurante porque estoy hombre.”

[In response to the above quote] “You go to the restaurant because you’re temporarily a man?”

“He’s my friend. [Pets partially disemboweled pig fetus]”

[Dialogue] “[Half sarcastically] The correct pronunciation isn’t /a:nt/, it’s /ænt/.”
“Actually, it’s /a:nt/, look in the dictionary.”
“Actually, it’s either. They’re called dialects.”

[After hearing what evolution actually is] “Oh, so you can’t be looking at a monkey in a zoo and POOF it’s a human?”

“…one nation, under God, indivisible…”

[In reference to The Da Vinci Code] “It’s got Tom Hanks, and he trumps the Catholic faith any day.”

[While looking at a Latin dictionary] “This is the best book ever!”

[After being informed that religious harassment is a crime] “So? Being a nark is stupid. I mean, not as bad as being and Atheist, but still…”

[From the same person, after no mention of skill] “Because I’m better than you.”

[About the above quoted person] “…he said ‘it was probably my mom’s dick rubbing against you.’ I swear, that’s the best come-back I’ve ever heard that kid make!”

“Isn’t it true that classical music makes you grow lots of new paths in your brain, while rock actually kills off existing ones?”

[After giving an example of German] “I said that she likes to give head but isn’t any good at it.”

[After hearing about the Law of Conservation of Mass] “Then how did God create the Universe?”

[In response to “Why eat only plants?”] “Because it’s more natural.”

“Time flies. Or, as they say in the Marines, ‘tempus fugit.’ They don’t say ‘when you’re having fun’ in the Marines.”

“I’m aganotistic. I believe in a higher power, but I don’t think it’s God or Jesus or whatever.”

“I see all the horror movies that come out, even that really stupid one, Dawn of the Dead. Or no, not that, Land of the Dead. Yeah, that was the one. I mean, zombies aren’t that smart.”

[After hearing that Atheists have no religious obligations] “Oh, because my pastor told us about some Atheists going to church on Saturday.”

[After hearing the Latin meanings of “penis” and “vagina”] “Hey, you should ask Mrs. [name forgotten] if you can put your tail in her sheath.”

“It was just like Lade spaketh and knowledge did flow forth.”

There are a few quotes that I think were said, but I’m not entirely certain.

“Tengo bored.”

“Holland is the capital of the Netherlands.”

Ah, Brainerd. Any additional quotes would be highly appreciated. Until then, these will be my memories of school over the summer, if I ever care to think about it. Perhaps in my next two years before graduation I will hear more audible delights.

Quid Freemasons putavunt National Treasure?

Salve! Ut Latinum—sed non multum—mox scio, scribere legentem blogis Latine desidero. Ne Latinum meum ostentare possim—ut non mulum ostentetur—sed ut Latine scribam. Monitis ut Latino meo est merda, hic est:

Primus, meæ scholæ maledicam. Schola docere mihi Hispanola contatur. “Contatur” dico quod in uno mense scio multior Latinum quam Hispaniolam—ut nonum mensem dicebam. Certe, Hispaniola mihi venit facilior, sed in Latina loqui res iucundiores possum.

Illo faciente, mox ire ad rem aliam volo: blogem meam. Vel loqui “bloges meas omnes” debeo, ut quinctos teneo. Et hoc, tenebunt quadragesimos tres legentes. Sed erat bonum tenere quadragesimos duo… Bloges meæ sunt in Xanga, Myspace, Yahoo 360°, Blogspot, atque Blog-City. Dificilis est illæ hic facere. Sed, bloges amo meæ.

Schola perficit. Anni libros tenet populus. Unum non teneo. Et unum recentem et unum de MCMXXII vidi. Unus de MCMXXII melior. Unus de MCMXXIV fuit optimus. Nunc libri anni sunt merdosi—multæ mentulæ picturas ponent in libros et vendunt eos $LX. In MCMXXII atque MCMXXIV tenebant vaticinationes scholæ, fabulas scholæ, ceteraque. Væ, o tempora! Ut in libro anni legit, ‘caveat emptor libri anni.’

Nescio si hæc longitudo solitus est, quod lego hoc in pagina. Sed, puto tempus est ei perficere. Valete!

Friday, May 05, 2006: Is it correct to say "this individual…" in reference to a conformist?

Well, that AP test genuinely and royally sucked. Actually, it wasn’t that bad. It kind of sucked at the beginning, however. I was sick with an odd mix of nerves and under-cooked and under-washed old turkey that fell in disgusting water. Don’t ask me why I ate it. But in about ten or twenty minutes it was over, and I hadn’t missed anything.
Which brings me to the rules and ceremony of the Advanced Placement test: we started with a slow creep toward the main section—filling out the sacred name form. Our charismatic leader, the proctor, slowly led us through the process, giving us exact instructions and wasting a ridiculous amount of time. We were to do exactly what she said when she said it and not an instant sooner. Not to mention our gag rule—to reference the subject. The test, you see, consists of three parts: a multiple choice section of eighty questions, a document-based question (DBQ), and two free response questions. According to the AP gods, we may never speak of the multiple choice questions with anyone. The free response questions mayn’t be discussed until our history teacher gives them back to us, forty-eight hours after the test—which by my watch is on Sunday. The DBQ, to the best of my knowledge, is fair game. I, however, have not the time to mention it—save that it sucked—and will commence that task later.

Monday, May 08, 2006: Είναι όλα Ελληνικά για μένα!–Eínai óla Ellēniká gia ména!

I have an idea for a study. I am a compulsive language learner. If I am puzzled by something foreign, I try to understand it. I am currently spread thin over four languages. I am using four different methods and have four different success rates. I will try and find which method works best. Currently, from best to worst, they are: Latin-independent study with a set program, Spanish-school class, Old English-independent study with no set course, Frisian-listening to internet radio in that language. The results so far are as follows:

I have been at Latina for a few weeks, and know a lot of grammar and have somewhat of a vocabulary—or at least too much to try and write down. I like that I can set my own schedule and learn at my own pace, but it’s easy to forget to do it for a while.

Español I have been at since the beginning of the school year, however it is so slow. It would be great to talk to others with it, if they picked up languages quickly. But they don’t, except for exchange students, who I am never partnered up with. But, it does have a wealth of information, if they ever get around to it.

I have tried Énglisc since sometime last year, and have the grammar down fairly well—it’s like Latin, but simpler. As for vocabulary…Er, let’s not talk about that. But, there’s always the time for more.

The last language is the reason that this article is so simple—it’s hard to concentrate on blogging with Frysk blaring in your ear. I’m starting to understand it a bit more, but don’t ask me to speak it. It’s supposed to be 80% similar to English, but that remaining 20% is more than you’d think.

An English lesson would be highly appropriate, but I need these last six minutes to post this on my blogs, and this Frisian radio is polluting my mind.

Thursday, May 04, 2006: ΛTΛLNTIS, THE ISLΛND, what’s with all of the lambdas? When will people realise how moronic that looks?

Well, it is now upon us. AP US History test day. That would be part of the reason that I haven’t posted in so long. Actually, that’s a lie. It’s because of the trouble I had posting the review of Όρνιθες. But, at any rate, here I am, about to take a four hour test on my least favourite subject. I feel decently confident, but still, it’s rather unnerving.

Especially the essays. Now, I can write a mean essay, but there is the problem of time constraint and legibility. First of all, time. I take a while to write. A long while. I used to have to hand in half-essays on test days. This would be partially due to the second problem: my handwriting. No one likes my script: it confuses, it drives people to the edge, it makes them want to shoot themselves, and it may even have caused some minor wars. It is looping, full of flourishes, and all-in-all 1800’s-ish. Sans neatness. It runs together, it flies wild, it dances across the page—and I mean that in the worst possible way. So, if they can read it, I get it done on time, and I don’t get an essay on labour unions, I should be set.

But, enough about that. There are more important things than AP. I think… All right, I can’t think of anything at the moment, but I’m working on it…

Thursday, April 06, 2006: Why can I never remember the titles I think up?

You wouldn’t believe the kind of people I have to put up with at my school. Listen to what happened in my Pre-AP (supposedly the more intelligent ones) English class: yesterday we had a discussion on the book The Sun Also Rises. Due to all of the people who left this country in it, we started by going into our pre-assigned groups and making a list of ten reasons we would or will leave the country. We came up with things like “if there were extreme prejudice against a group to which I belonged” (of course, I was referring to Atheists) and “if Jeb Bush were elected President.” Then we had a discussion. Our group was asked, and we went with the prejudice one. Then our teacher casually changed what question he had asked, insisting that he had asked what would make great numbers of people leave, as opposed to just us, being what he had actually asked. So, we went with our first one: if the draft were re-instated. Apparently, we were the first ones to come up with it all day, even though we were the second-to-last class. So, the teacher read a quote from a congressman about his draft plan. He said that the everyone between the ages of 18 and 26 would be eligible–all classes, males and females. At “and females,” the class went into uproar. I shit you not, they were ecstatic about how horrible the new draft would be if it included females. There arguments were fairly houmourous, though. They said “well, then you’d kill off an entire generation, instead of leaving the females” and “well, men are the stronger, tougher ones, so they should go and leave the women behind.” And before I get a bunch of misandrists saying how horrible and typical those guys are, please note that no males argued against that idea. We had a bunch of women–in school and wearing pants–saying about how all of the seventeenth century misogynist ideas are, in their opinion, correct! I retorted: “What? So now that sexism is taken out of the equation, it’s suddenly a horrible thing?” To which they responded with more sexist and misogynist talk, followed by discussion amongst themselves.

And this isn’t the first case of bigotry in that class. Many were talking about how horrible Atheists are some time ago. They never discussed reasons for it, merely the idea. But, I don’t remember enough about that incident to comment on it sufficiently.

At any rate, time for today’s English lesson: number VII–mathematical operations. Fill in the blank: to order someone to do the following operation: 9+7, you tell them to _____ nine and seven. If you said “plus,” then this is for you. “Plus,” “minus,” and “times” aren’t mathematical operations–they are symbols. One times one is one, but if you multiply one and one, you get two. No exceptions. Good bye for now.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Well, I was meaning to write a lengthy entry on Friday, but the server crashed. Then I had too many other activities yesterday and the day prior.

But, at any rate, I would like to discuss what began yesterday. Yesterday was the beginning of Lent, which normally wouldn’t affect an atheist such as myself–in fact I hadn’t even heard of it until a few years ago–were it not for the fact that our schools bend over backwards to accommodate it. You see, during Lent Catholics can’t eat any meat that isn’t fish on Fridays for some reason.They also have to give up something important to them for its duration–I’m not sure how long that is. I’d like to see one give up religion, but that’s just me. Anyway, in elementary and middle school we only had one lunch line, which on Fridays during Lent had some fish meal which they never served at any other time in the year. Note that they didn’t give kosher food during the rest of the year, and they sometime served beef, and they probably didn’t follow the dietary constraints of many other religions that I don’t know of.

At any rate, then I went to Forestview for a semester, due to remodelling in my old school–Mississippi. They had four lines: a main line, a grill, a pizza line, and a salad bar. Now, they allowed bag lunches in the previous schools, so it doesn’t make any sense for them to change their meals specifically for Catholics anyway, but with a salad bar surely they wouldn’t, would they? Yes, they would. All of these lines had odd, land-dwelling meat-less dishes which weren’t served at any other time in the year. They weren’t even being sneaky about it.

And so we come to Senior High. Now they finally have the courage to offer some alternatives. Yet they still have those odd dishes. Not the infamous veggie burger, or just saying to eat from the salad bar or bring your own lunch like Orthodox Jews, Hindus, Muslims, et cetera.

At any rate, time for English lesson number six–I fucked up on numbering that last one. “Gots” is not a word. Say “has” or “has got,” you fucking moron. Is it really that hard to move the “s” to the noun?

Monday, March 16, 2006: Since I always accidently use it, I switched to British English. Tell me if it looks too odd.

Well, I decided to write a blog entry at home on Microsoft Word, since over spring break I can’t reach a computer with internet access. Alright, so I just came back from the library, but that time was taken up with checking e-mails, comments, and updates on sites. Also with Anglo-Saxon—Old English for those of you who don’t think that that’s Shakespeare—lessons. I’m thinking of translating my blog once I get proficient enough, but I’ll probably become disillusioned with it soon after starting.

At any rate, to news: First, let’s talk about that checking of updates. Evidently, the library’s new content filter blocks Normal Bob Smith dot com as adult content! Why on earth would they do that? I mean, it’s just a humour site. But, then I went to their web site. Evidently, it includes “crude and tasteless” material. How do they define that? Well, it may include things insulting religion, if I know society. So, if they ever contact me, I’ll have to see if they block sites such as Chick Publications for the same reason, since it applies just as much to Christian sites as it does to Atheist ones—or at least it should. I wouldn’t want to do that, though. Some people would want to go to those. Of course, that isn’t the worst of their overdone censorship. The other ones I remember are:

Pornography/recreational nudity:

… [This] includes naturism, streaking, and other activities which include nudity/see-through clothing.

Bathing suits/underwear/lingerie

Sites which have pictures of models in bathing suits, lingerie, and other highly revealing attire.

Alternative lifestyles:

Non-pornographic sites with information about gay, lesbian, and bisexual lifestyles and activities.

News and information:

Sites with news topics and information. This is useful for business computers and other situations where time-wasting is undesired.

Games:

Sites which have games. This includes strategy, puzzle, and other single player, non-betting games.

Personal sites:

Sites such as Geocities, Xanga, and Angelfire, which offer free personal web pages.

Search sites:

Sites which search a catalog or part of the internet.

Translators:

Sites that offer electronic translation services.

Web-based e-mail

Sites which offer free web-based e-mail.

Religion:

Any site which advocates worship of a Supreme Being as the Creator of the Universe.

That last one really caught me off guard. You wouldn’t expect any company to offer a filter which blocks all information on monotheism, and even less to claim to block all religion. Luckily, you pick which ones you want, and according to the local teen librarian—who is against all internet filters—they only took pornography and adult content.

Anyways, next I would like to talk about the dumbing down of everyone. Let’s start with baby’s first words. Now, I like to imagine a time when people would actually try to have their infants say “mother” and “father,” but judging by how different the word “dad” is from “father,” that was quite some time ago. Still, I’d like to imagine some tenth-century peasant looking at his offspring and telling him to “cweð fæder.” At first he just looks at him and spits a little, but then his developing synapses begin to fire. “Ffdǽdderrr!” “Ná, Ná.” says the father: “Fæder. Cweð fæder.” “Dæder!” “Fæder, mín cild, fæder.” At any rate, this goes on for some time, and then he gets quite angry, seeing as his ass—the animal, you moron—just died, and yells “FÆDER! HIT IS FÆDER!” Then the infant starts crying. Being a caring fæder, he tries to calm his infant, saying “Sc, sc. Hit is dæder. Hit is dæder. Scscsc.” He gets the child to stop crying, but somehow forgets to tell his wife about their infant’s new word.

So the cild is raised with the word dæder as part of his vocabulary, and when his son is an infant he teaches him the word thinking nothing of it. This spreads over the years, until in 1066 England is invaded by the French. Now, the French didn’t like how the English spelled things, so they had them not write Englisc at all, and if they had to, not to use the letters þ, ð, or æ, along with no accent marks. That, along with the virtual silence of –er in French—and thus Anglo-French—resulted in the familiar word “dad.”

This was more or less stable for about nine centuries, with people even starting to talk about “dad,” a word they never would have admitted to back when it was “dæder”—which would explain why the dictionary doesn’t give a strait answer on the origins of word “dad.” The original dialogue was even imitated by a mother, who begrudgingly let her child think that she was a “mom,” as opposed to a mother.

But then came the gender wars. During those, the mother and father fought to see whether their children would say “mom” or “dad” first. Then came the worst assault on the English language yet—mama and dada. Judging by these atrocities, all we need is a kick up in gender wars or another dead ass, and parents will start counting “d-d-d-d” as a word.

Well, I can’t think of an English lesson for today. Perhaps you should be proud of yourself. But heed my warning: teach any children you might have in the future the words “father” and “mother.” Perhaps we can curtail this; just like that tenth-century peasant did with fæder. Farewell and have a good life.

Thursday, February 23, 2006: My hovercraft is full of eels.

A warning for all of you who go to Brainerd Senior High: do not try the “veggie burger.” Today I attempted tackling this item for, though I am an avid carnivore, I wished for a change from my typical spicy chicken or cheeseburger. It was most certainly a mistake. I informed everyone of my expirement, and they saw my finding on my face as soon as I bit into it. I decided to see if I could eat the rest, and the flavor was unlike anything I had ever tasted before. About halfway through, when I was starting to get used to it, I decided to take off the bun and see what I could identify in it. Try to imagine the flavor of this: I saw onions, red peppers, mushrooms, and what I’m fairly certain were carrots, placed in a base which I couldn’t identify if my life depended on it. Now, the others at my table were speaking their concerns already, but now their volume rose greatly. But, I got a combined total of $1.28 out of it, so it wasn’t quite all bad. Other than that nothing that interesting happened today.

But, now time for English lesson number four: the word lend. This time it’s not a word that people use where they shouldn’t. This one they don’t use at all. At least around here. They honestly think that it is proper to say that they will borrow something to someone. Now, just like the “jift” thing with Celtic, I shall apply similar grammar to another sentance for this: “if you don’t return that, I’ll have to give it from you by force.” It’s just as proper and sounds just as intelligent.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006: Instant newsfead-Bush refuses to set timeline for return of movie rentals.

Can’t remember what I was going to say, but it was important. So, without furthur adeux, here’s English lesson the third: scissors. “Scissors” is a plural word. There is no such thing as “a scissors,” though I have heard people refer to them as such. The item which is used is, in fact, a pair of scissors. I have yet to figure out what a scissor is, however I am leaning towards the handle and blade combination which hinges on the other one in one of these cutting devices.

Friday, February 17, 2006: Insanity is fun!

I bring you salutations and news: February 28th is “Spay Day USA.” The ads for it go something like this:

Spay or neuter your children-

It helps them live longer lives

They will have fewer behavioral problems

Orphanages and families spend thousands of dollars on unwanted children

Do it for love-

Unaltered children are more likely to run off

An unaltered female can theoretically produce 9 children in a single gestation

An unaltered male can theoretically produce 78840 offspring in a single year

Or maybe it was pets. I don’t know, it makes about as much sense either way. And I love how they use the word “unaltered.” I usually use “intact” for unsterilised and or uncircumcised (don’t get me started on that…).

But at any rate, any salutation is incmplete without a little bit of abuse. So it’s time for English lesson number two! Today’s lesson: the word “Celtic.” Say this word aloud. How did you pronounce that initial “C”? If you pronounced it like the c in “crop,” then find one of those elementary school star stickers and put it on your tongue. If you pronounced it like the “c” in “cinema,” punch yourself in the teeth. Then point out this article to whoever you heard that pronunciation from. If you pronounced it like the “C” in Cnidaria, then I don’t know what to do with you. It always amazes me that people say they got a “Seltic” cross, yet they don’t say that they got it as a “jift.” But, that’s just my personal irritance. Good bye for now.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006: A Proverb is the Chisel for the marble of the foolish Mind.

Hello my wonderful readers. Today I think I’ll talk about vending machines. I was walking around the school on Monday (the library was closed for President’s day, however the school didn’t give a shit about that any more than they did on Martin Luther King Jr. day) with my friend Mr. W—- and one of his friends, Mr. W——, who I shall call “Zack” for no apparent reason. So, the three of us were talking about hacking with Liz(who was wondering about the school as well), when Zack got a call on his cell phone. Whilst talking, he began pushing random buttons, the machine displaying the names and prices of various products. After the fourth button, however, it said “sales data.” We got this figured out after a while, and though we can’t do anything other than display things, it’s still rather fun and quite addictive.

So, here’s the process: first, the kind of machine. It’s the V540 by Vendco. These look identical to another Vendco machine, so check the little side plate thingy. They have 12 large buttons with images of the products on them, arranged in three rows of four with a divider in the middle which contains the display area. Know what I’m talking about? Alright, now what you do is press the first, then third, then second, then fourth button in the first row. After words, the first row is cycle through options, the second select, and the third is back. Your options are “sales data,” “diagnostic,” and “return.” Under sales data, you can cycle through statistics for the different selections.

And now for English lesson number three: the word “stealer.” This is not an independant, functioning word. You can not be a “stealer,” only a thief. You may be a scene stealer, or something like that, however you should rather use the verb with and adjective, i.e. scene stealing basterd.

Thursday, February 16, 2006: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

I’ve figured it out. Xanga’s spell check is plotting against public honesty and intelligence. I have already spoken of its aversion to swearing and the word “nigger,” but that’s not the least of its problems. Listen to what it gives as alternates: for “nigger”-snigger, sniggers, nagger, jigger, niggard… for “fuck”-fu ck, fu… get the point? Not only does it not recognize swearing, it does recognize moronic little things people use to get around swear blockers.

In light of such events, I think it’s time for an English lesson. Yes, it’s a bit unorthodox for a blog, but I’m really sick of people who have lived in an English-speaking nation their entire life not being able to speak the language properly and not even noticing what idiots they’re making of themselves.

All right, lesson one: typing words. If you are typing on an instant message program and must reply quickly because your friend may die within the hour, then abbreviations are fine. If your friend is fine, then they are quite a nuisance. If you are talking to me, I will expect you to be beyond that, and may respond to you saying “ic” with “Sorry, I don’t speak much Anglo-Saxon. Why did you blurt out ‘I’?” But now for the important part: if you are doing a formal writing (and I use the term liberally) such as an e-mail, a blog entry, or anything that will appear on the Internet, they are completely unacceptable. Completely. I am far less likely to take an e-mail, blog entry response, et cetera, seriously if it uses such things (lol included).

Well, I’m out of time. Join me again tomorrow for lesson two!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006: What can I say in no more than ninety characters?

Hello, and good whatever time it is over there. I don’t really have much to say, however I still feel that I have some sort of obligation to write something, seeing as I haven’t for a while. So, let us see what I can waste time with. Ah… Here’s a thought: anything you can possibly do will offend someone. I’m serious. If you say that everyone deserves basic rights, it will offend someone. If you say murder is wrong, it will offend someone. I generally try to keep my offending within reason, but that’s another problem: everyone has there own opinion of what is reasonable. Which pisses me off, seeing as we have (here, at least) many rules in places and even laws which make reference to that which is reasonable. For example, Minnesota’s basic speed law: you may drive no faster than is reasonable for existing conditions. Then again, if this site is to be trusted, then we technically also prohibit oral sex, bathtubs without feet, and nude sleeping. But at any rate, the basic speed law makes no clear distinction as to what is being made illegal. Well, I guess this is what happens when you have the most popular, rather than qualified, write laws (but then, they’re so much easier to find…). I guess it’s also since I live in the Bible Belt’s matching earring. Well, I guess I’ll leave you with that thought. Fare thee well.

Monday, February 13, 2006: At the local theatre-for three days only: The Royal Nonesuch!

Introductions first: If you are a returning visitor to my site, you know me, my blog, and whatnot. If, as I doubt would be the case, you are new, I am Tomen. Hello.

Now then, I have a wrong to be righted. On the Internet there is a Brainerd-based web site. Not the problem. It it advertised often on the radio. Not quite the problem, though it draws it to my attention every day. It lists deals on various products and services: tanning, mechanics, and a whole variety of thing for you to use. Therein lies the problem. Because it’s not necessarily for you. It’s main selling point is that it’s only for those whose genitalia reside within their bodies. Yep. And, as I more or less said earlier, it’s not as if it deals merely in feminine hygiene, or something confined merely to that gender. It gives deals for an assortment of useful products. Ah, yes this site is called “Stellaslist.com.” So, let’s recap: white’s only drinking fountains: bad — women’s only financial information: good. I don’t get what she’s trying to do, reverting us to such primitive sexism. I generally try to push us forward, or not at all. Ah, and this is a killer: Stella once confronted men using her site on the radio. Well, she didn’t directly. That would have been too non-sexist. She talked to the women who saw them on there, saying to just “look the other way,” meaning that most likely her site gets some sort of kickback for high visitor numbers, causing her to resort to such extremes. I really can’t stand that bitch.

While we’re on that topic, I have a little test for you. Let’s see our standards of slurs. Say “heathen.” Go ahead, just blurt it out. All right, now say “nigger.” Go on… You had far more people threaten you this time, didn’t you? All we fucking care about is anti-black racism, anti-female sexism, and anti-Christian prejudice. Anything else is fair game. Xanga’s spell check even recognizes “heathen.” It doesn’t recognize “nigger,” or any swear word, as I have mentioned before. Fucking moronic nation.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006: ???

Well, surprise, surprise! The writing prompt was “Name one influential leader in your life and explain why they are a good leader.” Something like that, any way. Well, I have no leaders. None. I rely on myself, and only take advice from others. So, I decided that since it would sound realistic, I would build up my mother to be a good leader. I used up all but the last line of the allotted space. And now I have used up all but two minutes of the allotted time. Damn, I hate these half-hour computers.

Monday, January 30, 2006: T-shirt idea: "Life’s too short to worship ugly gods".

Hello. First I would like to say: “fuck that list I started a while back. It’s nothing but old, stale news and anecdotes.” That being out of the way, the new news:

Hmm. I got in my first accident. It was just a little trip to the ditch, but it still sucked. Luckily, I got us neatly between the mailbox and the telephone pole. I may elaborate on that later.

Next, we have a two hour test tomorrow! And it writing! Damn, that’s depressing. We’re going to have those shitty prompts like “who’s you’re hero” or “who was your best friend as a child” and I have to take an hour or so to figure out who to exaggerate enough to make it look like I’m not self-motivated or didn’t like to be alone as a child or that I didn’t do some other horrible, unnatural sin like that. But, I’d say I’m good enough at writing, so if we somehow get an easy prompt of some common activity or idea which I actually did or have, I should do well.

In other news, my brother’s cat died. He’ll have to tell you about that, since I’m out of time.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006: 60659

I was going to talk about the US’s odd perception of prejudice, but this is just too interesting: The Vatican has declared that Purgatory doesn’t exist! Now, this isn’t exactly bad, considering that it doesn’t, but holy fucking shit! And do you know why? So that Africans and Asians will join them! One of us… One of us… This just goes to prove that the Catholic hierarchy isn’t in this for religion, but rather world domination. Of course, this is obvious and always has been, but this is over the top even for them. I mean, first round Earth, then heliocentricity, then the big bang, then evolution, and now no purgatory. In a few centuries, they might just come to their senses!

Kind of funny, though. I mean here we have insane fundies trying to warp our country to their will, and the fucking Vatican, the one with some actual power over more than say, twenty people in a congregation, is warping just so that everyone will agree with them. Which reminds me of when ol’ Ratzinger got in. Everywhere ablaze with what this ex-Nazi was going to do. “We want to convert more Jews!” he said. “We want to reach out and turn the Middle East into Catholicland!” he bellowed, causing Catholic missionaries to start writing up their last wills and testaments. And all the while us vile heretics were shaking our heads. But, at least some good seems to have come out of it. One silly superstition down, innumerable more until they’re gone. I say it’s saints next. I mean, after this, they might just do that in order to get monotheists and Christians. You never know…

Tuesday, January 10, 2006: ROMANES EUNT DOMUS

I am back once more! And I am pissed. This you simply must hear about. In health class, we had a talk. Now, even disregarding the fact that I heard this same talk last year, it was still horrible. It was on abstinence. Now, abstinence is a quite vague word, meaning merely to make yourself not engage in something which satisfies hunger or thirst or gives you physical pleasure (though the speaker doesn’t know that), so allow me to clarify: this was on what I like to call “Christian sexual abstinence”. That is where you abstain from having sex until marriage. This pisses me off because of not only the message, but the way the speaker presented it. She used the words “made” and “meant” more than you would believe. “Sex was made to be with one person,” and “it’s meant for marriage,” and so forth. Has she even considered the possibility of atheism? I mean, Brainerd High School is a public school, right? It sounds like it, and I don’t remember having to pay anything. Yet here she is, preaching about sex’s “purpose”. Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to read the rest, seeing as I am out of time.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Well, on to part two of the talk in Fundie’s class. You see, the interesting thing about this (and a major reason for the word “Christian” in the title) is that she was absolutely adamant in her idea that it must be marriage which allows you to have sex. Now, I seem to be one of the few people who realizes what marriage is. Now let me break it down for you, like I did with segregation. Okay, maybe I’ll do it a bit more normally.

Marriage, you see, is a process where you and another person (in most states, another person of the opposite gender only) go down to the courthouse and get a marriage licence. This is a fucking contract. Nothing more, nothing less. It will not improve your partner’s fidelity, and it most certainly does nothing for trust. And that was a major point of her speech: in a relationship, you need trust, respect, et cetera. And yet you need to sign a contract saying that you will be monogamous. You can’t trust your partner, or anything like that. You must sign a contract saying such. Now, even if my significant other wished to get married, I simply couldn’t, with that realization. That is, I couldn’t have a marriage license and a clear conscience.

Ah, but I must speak of the comment card at the end. Now, I had a lengthy list of grievances for my comment sheet last year, so this year I lightened up. Here’s what I could remember of it:

How would you rate this presentation:
[ ]Great [ ]Good [ ]Okay [X]Poor

Was there anything you disagreed with in this presentation? [ ]No [X]Yes
Explain: ¡Uf! Where do I start? Your speech made me pay less attention every sentence or two. Unconditional love requiring marriage? Sex being “made” for… sounds a bit too religious.

Before this presentation, will you have sex before marriage?
[ ]No decision
[ ]Will have sex with anyone
[X]Will have sex with someone before you’re married
[ ]Will wait to have sex until your married

After this presentation, will you have sex before marriage?
[ ]No decision
[ ]Will have sex with anyone
[X]Will have sex with someone before you’re married
[ ]Will wait to have sex until your married
[ ]Need more information about abstinence

Explain: Well, I already mentioned some things above, and I mentioned the rest last year, but given your presentation, you didn’t care.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006: This entry has a title.

Hello! Before finally resuming that list of old, stale news and anecdotes, I thought I’d say about my winter break. It was excellent, seeing as all I did was lounge about the house. I also celebrated Christmas with my sister and watched her kids on New Year’s Eve. With all that’s happening (the U.S. trying to secularize and getting yelled at by the fundies who want Christianity to always be held in special regard for some reason), I finally realized that out of my entire immediate and extended family I only know the theological beliefs of three (all Freethinkers): my Atheist brother, my secularist mother, and my, er, well I’m not sure what to call my dad’s beliefs. Oh, well. It hasn’t exactly been a problem before, so why worry about it now? Wow, that was a short entry.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005: If it ain’t fixed don’t break it.

Well, yesterday I added quite a bit of that conversation, however it was all deleted due to a malfunction. Well, any way, I think I’m going to type it up over the winter break and just transfer it to the Internet when I return. At any rate, I think I’ll make this a short entry, as I can’t remember what I was going to write. So bye and a happy impending holiday, if there is one in your immediate future.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

The Gregorian Calander reset to January first! Yay!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005: If it ain’t fixed don’t break it.

Well, yesterday I added quite a bit of that conversation, however it was all deleted due to a malfunction. Well, any way, I think I’m going to type it up over the winter break and just transfer it to the Internet when I return. At any rate, I think I’ll make this a short entry, as I can’t remember what I was going to write. So bye and a happy impending holiday, if there is one in your immediate future.

Thursday, December 15, 2005: Untitled

Alright, time to depart from the list for a second in order to relay a conversation which I had with Mr. Fundie two or three hours ago. The direct transcript is as follows:

I: I have a major disagreement I have to get off my chest.

Mr. Fundie: Alright. Do that.

I: Yesterday, I didn’t say it yesterday because I had to catch a bus after school, but um, when you were on the topic of sexual identity and homosexuality, you said “You take a Christian and they will except them.” (pause) And I…

F: Well, bu-but-but remember now I qualified that, right? Eighty per cent of our country says they’re Christian, they’re not. You might get two out of ten who are. But anyway so I’m not saying 80% us are reallyisticly[sic] buying in to that. ‘Kay so…

I: Like, what? You’re saying they’re just saying their Christian to fit in.

F: Yes, right. And if it can, it’s convenient of them to be a Christian.

I: Hm.

F: But I don’t think they’re conservative and probably [unintelligible].

I: ‘Cause it seems like, you know, most of the people who disagree with homosexuality or are non-acceptant of homosexuals use argument like, you know, um, “God doesn’t like this way” blah, blah, blah, blah blah. You know, mostly Christian arguments for not accepting homosexua…

F: Well, yeah, n, homosexual marriage, not homo, see now, these, you got to make sure you sh, well, you know.

I: Oh, well ,k…

F: No, you, because,

I: You know, lots of thing like, you know, um…

F: Oh, [unintelligible], some of them, ultra rights, I don’t buy any of that either. Yeah. No.

I was saying something at that time, but it’s hard to hear over his voice.

I: …hardly the, you know, “Christians will accept homosexuals”.

F: B, er, well you don’t think they do?

(pause)

I: Sometimes, sometimes not.

F: Right. And that…

I: …Yeah…

F: …to me puts it to that 80%…

I: …Ah…

F: …who claim they’re, they’re Christians they’re not. So, yeah.

I: Yeah, ’cause it’s, yeah, it just sounded to me like you were doing a generalization.

F: Oh, I do that a lot in here, so I wish you’d have caught me in class so we could have said it in class.

More unintelligible simulspeach on my behalf.

I: (Unintelligible)

F:(laughing) (odd noise), what? We had to speak about it?

I: Yeah, usually, like, you know [I should quit doing that], um, when I disagree with anyone about anything religious it takes like an hour or so to (laughing).

F: Okay, well maybe they should settle down, too. Because that, I-I, they’re, there’re times when I’ll through out because I want an argument, I want a response.

I: Ah.

F: ‘N’ people won’t see [possibly a poor pronunciation of "say"] anything. Or the[y] will go off in the wrong direction, like they started to do with the homosexual deal, but I don’t want to talk about that.

I:Yeah.

F: I want to, you know, just, I want to talk about (pause) you know, genetics as compared to, um, choice, or whatever, ‘n’, you know, I don’t know if that will ever be solved.

I: Yeah, um, I think the current scientific thought is, like, genetics.

F: Well, again, ‘n’ it’s, you know, just, you go to the Christian conservative, ‘n’ I don’t classify myself in the ultra-conservative right wing. But, like I said yesterday, I-I-I, what I don’t understand is that, where were all the homosexuals [35 years ago, when he was in the army, for nothingness's sake], ‘n’ I know what my friend will say, ‘n’ I have, mmmmmmmmm, four friends who are gay. ‘N’ I will, ‘n’ they will say to me, “they just didn’t dare,” (unintelligible) I just can’t believe that, you know. Maybe.

I: Well, varying times like, um, earlier times there were, um, like you were saying at an earlier point, with the Roman Empire…

F: …Ah…

I: …with like, the, yeah, the more homosexuals then, because it was more acceptable. You know, like, um…

F: Well, the guys were neutered. You know, so they, they couldn’t, er, have sex with the king’s wife, or whatever, they were, nymph [a kind of ancient Greek goddess, who was highly attractive and playful], or whatever they called them.

I: Er, eunuch.

F: Munichs, right.

I: Yeah. Um, I thought that was just their bodyguards, like…

F: Well, yeah, (unintelligible), and house servants, and maidservants, and things like that. Right, yes, but they wanted them safe.

I: Yeah.

F: But the thing is, that’s what brought the Roman Empire down, too, that they had no rules. Whatever you wanted to do, you could do it.

I: I always thought it was the Vandals.

F(at “it was”): And I’m not saying that if you legalize homosexuals that’s what’ll happen. But (long pause) I (pause) wanted an argument I didn’t get one except it went the wrong way[lack of punctuation intentional]. So, um, I do generalize, yeah, I will generalize with marijuana, too. Um, I will generalize with (unintelligible). Um, and I’ll look for the kind of argument I want. You know? So, don’t ‘esitate to-to-to, even come back a day later and it would’ve been fine if you’d have questioned me today about that.

I: Yeah.

F: During class (unintelligible). I-I know it’s tough to get this group (pause).

I: Yeah.

F: Serious enough to ever discuss anything like that, because you will have a couple just gay-bashing, an’-an’ I’m not going to tolerate that.

I: Yeah, I know.

F: N-n, It’s not polite, it’s not, mature.

I: That’s very common in this region.

F: (pause) Y-well, it is. Um. (pause) People are getting really polarized in our country I mean I don’t know, (unintelligible), you start looking at things like, “well, I’m a black American,” ‘n’, “I’m a Hispanic American,” ‘nd, “I’m a Chicano American,” ‘n’, “I’m a Spanish American,” and, “I’m an Irish American,” ‘n’ I’m still from a generation who said: “all of you guys: black, white, red, yellow, you all fought in a wars to preserve our freedom. We’re Americans, we’re not (pause) we’re not individuals. We don’t need five languages here. You know, we need one, where we can all communicate and love each other. We don’t, we don’t need to be (long pause) you know, individuals. (unintelligible). We’re, France is seeing that, I think. France thought they could just let the Muslim, two or three billion Muslims, come in. And continue with their language and their own religion. And, not to provide them with anything, just land. ‘N’ the next thing you know, we’ve got riots. Why do the riots happen if they had (pause) complete (pause) autonomy. You know.

I: Huh.

F: What? (pause) My daughter would love to discuss with you, she-she loves debate.

I: Yeah.

F: I-see I got practice on her. I will make some outrageous statements ‘n’ then she’ll…

I: …Yeah…

F: …jump all over me.

I: You see, I get jumped on a lot, because, um, I’m an Atheist, and this is a heavily religious area, so, like…

F: They claim to be. There’s what, four churches per block everywhere in this town You know I’ve left three churches because they were anything but religious, we’ve got so many (pause) so many (long pause) churches (pause) that, um, profess to be Christian. But in our country you do surveys, our country says 80% of our, our country, er, is Christian. But if that was the case, why would we be anti-gay? [Because God hates fags.] Why would we be anti-black? [Because it's the mark of Cain.] Why would we be, er, what else do we (unintelligible) rich? [Because God wants His people to be successful.] Why do we (pause) we attack? [Because God is jealous and Christians are His servants on Earth.] (unintelligible) Christians (unintelligible).

I: Well, you know, um, to varying degrees, you know, like, um, a lot of (unintelligible), again (unintelligible) the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, and things like that. Whereas pro-gays, (pause) um, focus on, um [I couldn't think of anything], I think I once heard a line, um, “You can use The Bible to back up anything.” Um, “except homosexuality,” was actually the line, but, um, I don’t know.

F: Er (pause) But-but in order for it to justify anything, you’d have to believe it’s the true spoken word of God, ‘n’ if you don’t believe that, then you can’t be Christian anyway. You can profess to be one…

I: …Yes…

F: But you’re not going to be, yeah.[Wow. So if someone uses The Bible to back up their stance (which most, if not all, Christians do) then they are true Christians. He just wrecked his entire argument. I guess he's just so Christian that contradictions just come naturally to him.]

I: (unintelligible)

F: Well, I-I, you know, a Muslim can have his beliefs, an’ believe that, er, Mohammad, you know, received direct, um, information from God. You can be, er, an Atheist, who believes in, what? No higher power?

I: Er, yeah.

F: Okay. Um, and then (unintelligible). You know, ‘n’ then I have a friend who’s 84 years old, he’s a college professor out in [town name omitted]. He taught his last class last spring, ‘n’ (untypable stuttering) he was finally going one class a year. And, said, my friend sent this book to his wife, and him, and he started to question life, and is this all there is? And when I visit with him I say “no, I’ve got forever to live.” [That's awfully arrogant of you.] And you have 70 years if you, 76 years if you follow national average. And then what’s left for you, nothing.

I: Yeah.

F: Emptiness. A black hole.

I: Mhm.

F: I said, “at least even if The Bible isn’t true, I’ve lived my life, where I’ve tried to be good to other people, and I know that I will live an eternity.” [The arrogance is astounding.] So, I can believe that, I don’t care if you do. I, I wish you would. [That means you care.]

I: Well, I generally, you know, am nice to others, but I don’t see the sense in eternal life, but, that’s that.

F: Right. And, I-I, my daughter’s boyfriend, er, ex-boyfriend, now, um, ’s family, said: “I don’t know why you need The Bible, I don’t know why you need church.” He says: “We’re great to people. We love people, we’re kind to people, we give money to people.” (pause) That’s good.

I: Yeah.

F: But, are you going to have eternal life? Why wouldn’t they? [Same reason they don't have trolls and færies in their yard.] Wouldn’t you, wouldn’t that, kind of, if thought you could have an answer wouldn’t you want to know that answer? [It's 42]

I: Errr. Yeah. But, you know, I can’t seem to find anything that like, you know, except for mythology [And science. Forgot to mention that.] and that’s all The Bible is to me.

F: You know what I’m going to do for you? I’ll bring you a book tomorrow. [That book never came.] Er, I had a class, an archeologist came in and talked about the archeology of The Bible. The Bible has 26000 proofs that it’s authentic. [I've heard them. "This prophecy about a whore dieing is exactly what happened at the world trade center," or "if it weren't true people wouldn't die for it's principles," and other such nonsensical rubbish.] But then they went to the next biggest one was manuscripts of, some of the great writers, um, I can’t even think of it now. (unintelligible) er, let’s see, Horatio, it’s not Horatio, well some of the great, er, scientists of their time. [Remember: back then a scientist was really just a philosopher.] And they have, like, 200 manuscripts, 500 manuscripts, these are all things that are personal eyewitnessed, eye accounts [Or are they just assuming that because it agrees with their precious book, which is based upon the old myths which the writers of that time liked to relay. Oh, wait, these are fundies. They're most likely saying that since they saw someone swim it was Jesus walking on water, and so forth.] of the miracles that Jesus performed, blah, blah, blah. So, (unintelligible) that it kind of opened my daughter’s eyes, because she’s not, she believes in a higher power. Er, but she’s not around,’n’ she’s not calling Him “God”. But I asked her, “well, what is your god? ‘N’ who’s your god?” Then she gets angry with me. (unintelligible) you have a higher power, she said: “yeah,” I said: “okay. But that big book that you read out of,” I said, “what does that believe?” Then she got angry ‘n’ I said: “okay, that’s fine. You know that whatever you have is fine. Um, for you, it’s not for me. So it’s okay for you. I don’t need to force anything. ‘Cause it won’t matter. You know, you can’t force things on people. People will just, this 84 year old guy is, now, he says: “you know, I’ve lived a good life, but if this is all there is to it, it really hasn’t been much.” (long pause) I’ve loved every day I’ve lived.

I: Well, my life’s been pretty good.

F: But I guess that’s, that’s my only thing. Um, 80% of our country professes to be Christian, and if they’re Christian, the way they treat (pause) each other, is horrible. I wouldn’t even want to be a Christian if I had to do (unintelligible).

I: Yeah.

F: That-that these people do and that they say. You know. (long pause) Well, I wish you would have, er, I hope though that. You-y-y-you (unintelligible) if you, er, I hate to say this, (unintelligible) make some exaggerated statements, if you would, er, come back the next day and say: “you know, [Fundie], you were talking yesterday and I thought: ‘hey, I disagree with you’”

I: Alright.

F: I’d love that. (Rest is unintelligible)

So, there you have it. All of the intelligible portions of my conversation with Mr. Fundie, in which he got off topic like a madman, tried to convert me, used one of those moronic “not a true Christian” arguments to say that anyone who doesn’t get the same thing out of the parts of The Bible which he’s read or heard as he did isn’t a Christian, an contradicted himself in more areas that I mentioned.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005: The elipsis and the brackets. Two tools that let you make a quote say whatever you want

Hmmm… Where was I? Ah, yes: the list. Well, first item on the addendum is… Mr. Fundie’s fundie paranoia! How exciting. Well you see, Mr. Fundie is, as has been made obvious, a fundie. And with such fundamentalism comes paranoia. You know, the Atheist are out to destroy religion, the gays want to destroy families, et cetera. However, Mr. Fundie hasn’t verbally stated any of these particular complaints. He seems to express it by being concerned with strawman arguments against the school. Now true, I do that as well, but even with me being so cynical, pessimistic, and exaggerative as I am, his strawmen make me quite nervous. Here are some: CPR is a required course, which he admits to, yet he believes that it will stop being taught when he retires at the end of this year (which, in my opinion, is a little too late, considering that he’s either 75 or 78 [I remember that it was most definitely one of those two]); he is also constantly saying about how everybody has case managers and councilors which will get them through any class other than his (for some reason), taking the test for them (he actually said that) and what not; along with that, he thinks that all of the other teachers not only let students walk all over them, but that the students do just that. I think he lives in some sort of parallel universe, perhaps due to senility. And, over the course of typing this, I just realised how arrogant he is. I think that the teaching community will be greatly improved through the overdue retirement of this one teacher.

At any rate, next topic: Street Scene. It was the play that God was in. It was great! God was the humorous Italian ice cream salesman. It was awesome! And, other people I kow were in it. Like Mackenzie, and Smarl, and… You know, that might have been it. But, at any rate, God is most certainly going to be the star of Necropolis (as we have entitled our movie. Well, I don’t think I have enough time to touch on the rest of my notes. At this rate, I just might finish that posted list before I’m finished with life! Well, here’s hoping!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

What is Russian for “comrade”?
Greetings to one and to all! Seeing as I haven’t posted for a while, I have a downright list from which to work. This may be odd. Why don’t I just give you the list to start it out. First, though, I must warn you of two things: firstly, that it is written in a runic alphabet, and the transliteration is literal. Therefore, some words will have odd spellings, due to the addition of certain letters (namely “þ” and “ŋ”) and lack of others (namely “k” and “v”). Secondly, the list is minorly edited, seeing as I don’t use aliases on it. The list is as follows:

Notes for blog.

[Mr. Fundie]’s fundie paranoia.
Street Scene.
Adopted student.
New monarchy.
[Name omitted]’s mastery of þ­e English Language.
CPR.
[Mr. Fundie]’s brain falacy.
Dreams of history and flim.
Principalities.
["]Yes[,] Hester?["]
Poll of critter names.
Morons’ ["]t["] pronunciation.
Racism[,] sexism[,] and whateuer it’s called for religion.
Healþ­ class name yelli?.
Agiŋ uideo.
What is Russian for ["]Comrade["]
House lice a political cartoon.
Poem about þ­e loŋ s.
Þat test.
Looc at metros for old liuiŋ places.
Walciŋ into þ­at fire hydrant.
[Mr. Fundie] beiŋ an asshole about disfunctional families.
Ciuil war flippant.

Yep. That how I do without time, a spell checker, “k”, or “u”. And here’s how I do when I’m running out of time!

Wednesday, November 30, 2005: Pure torture: an Atheist named "Faith" or "Christian".

Okay, I have more time. Heightmax™ is an over the counter drug designed to increase the height of 12-20 year olds. That’s odd, but not as bad as the commercials: “I’m worried about my son’s height. He’s small for a 15 year old.” Huh? Last time I checked, height had been averaged, but not standardized. But, evidently it has, and being below that standard height is a very bad and problematic thing. A disease, perhaps. I mean, that is what this commercial insinuates. Now, for the record I am (at the moment) 5′9″, but I’m not gay, black or female, and am concerned when these people are made fun of, especially if it was in an ad for a product marketed to them. In fact, why don’t we think of some of these: “I’m worried about my son’s skin. He’s dark for a 15 year old.” Or how about “I’m worried about my son’s writing. He uses his left hand.” That, of course, reaches into something extra-mundane, like height.

Next topic: today’s Nabal update. Alright, now you most likely remember when I first introduced you to this highly irritating individual. If you don’t here’s the key quote I will be addressing:
“…Someone else… was dressed as Hitler. I heard about it before gym, when a Jewish chick was bitching about it…”

Well, this rather confused individual now has me rather confused. About her neck, falling short of the breasts which she continually flaunts in vain (for they do nothing to offset the repulsion of her character) fell a golden cross. Honestly. Now, needless to say, someone who does not believe in the New Testament would, reasonably, not wear the symbol of its followers. And given that she constantly talks of all other things, her conversion would have most definitely found my ear.

That leaves three options, as I figure it:
Option the first: She pretends to be Christian in order to fit in. This, of course, would have prevented her from stating her Judaism prior to that first entry about her.
Option the second: She was wearing it as part of a dare. This is doubtful, as she would have explained that to everyone who cared to listen and most everyone who didn’t.
Option the third: She is, and was, a Christian, and merely claimed to be Jewish (Perhaps to give her word more kick {though if that was the goal, it failed}).

Well, time’s up. Still got loads to tell you, but that’ll have to wait.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005: Fight for peace, drink to health, and fuck for chastity.

Hello, everyone. Got loads to tell you all. First on the agenda is that I just got back from a five day weekend for one of the few non-Christian holidays that school gets out for. This, of course, is Thanksgiving. For those of you lucky enough to live in a civilized nation outside of the States, allow me to explain: this is an odd holiday celebrating an event which to the best of my knowledge may not have occurred. During it you eat. Lots. That’s why Americans are so fat, since on top of Halloween we have this major feast holiday. Okay, so there are other reasons, but that’s got to be one of them. I, luckily, have a high metabolism, so even with this I’m underweight. Anyway, it was minorly awkward, for Friday fell on a Wednesday and Monday is now falling on a Tuesday.
Secondly, something which one of my school’s deans of students said. It was in an article in the school paper on the dress code. Now, of course the dress code is ridiculous. It is based on the morals and opinions of major fundies, and has such preposterous regulations as “no backless garments”. Most likely, we know this already. Before we get to the quote, however, I would like to critique part of the article. The list of rules did this ridiculous repetition of rules thing. Now, once would have been cute (if it was on something particularly important), but they way overshot that. Here is the list (I shit you not):
*No headgear of any kind until after 3:10pm.
*No backless garments
*No short skirts or shorts
*No backless garments
*No short skirts or shorts
*No heavy chains
*No spiked accessories or jewelry
*No clothing containing messages referring to alcohol, tobacco, or drugs
*No bare midriffs
*No visible cleavage
*No short skirts or shorts
*No exposed undergarments

Yup. That’s how stupid my school is. But, to the quote: “Individualism is highly appreciated, however, expressing that should be done on your fee time.” You dumb fucking Neo-Nazi cunt (And for the record, I’m not usually inclined to using that word). How the fuck can she think that being yourself, a basic part of human dignity, should be saved for your free time? It’s just the kind of rampant conformism which caused another Thing I have to bitch about. Heightmax™. It’s this over the counter drug which I will talk about tomorrow, when I have time.

Monday, November 21, 2005: Ąß¥œŊĎέЃتץ

Hello. Today I would like to talk about something very serious and important. Unfortunately I can’t think of anything that fits that description at the current moment. But hey, I did give an interesting compliment during that immature thing in Mr. Fundie’s class. ‘Twas “You are worthy of a compliment”.
Also, me and some friends are planning out an independent zombie film. So far we’ve got me writing it, some folks (mainly me, Spike, and a friend who I will call “Larry”, because it’s his first name) working on the planning, and two possible cast members-me as “Tom”-the dark, intelligent major character; and Lady Lane as “Blondie”-the abnormally intelligent main zombie. It’ll be great!
And for an update on the war, check the comments on the last entry. Part in peace!

Saturday, November 19, 2005: We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertanty!

Good day to all of you who deserve it! I don’t have much time, so I’d just like to start a war with “Mr.Duck” and this chick. Mr. Duck commented on my last entry and you can check out the other one for yourself.

Friday, November 18, 2005: Ain’t ain’t a word ’cause it wasn’t in the dictionary over four decades ago.

Greetings! I would like to start out with a song a friend of mine (who I shall refer to by the alias “Haywood Jablomi”, which is of his invention) sang to me:
Roll, roll, roll your jointTwist it at the endLight it upTake a puffAnd pass it to a friend
That was great, wasn’t it? Anyway, I would like to mention an odd dealy which happened lately: the “Day of Silence for Peace”. This is kind of like those walks/races for curing diseases which donate profits to education, treatment, and other things which are not cures. By that I mean that it was an act for something which does nothing for it and makes no sense whatsoever. Also, the participants which I saw communicated through notes and signing, defeating the purpose. It may have been to get attention, but this just got a sort of “okay, that’s weird” attention with none toward the message they were attempting to give (as should be expected). It may have also been to remember the evils of war, though one of my friends didn’t seem to get that, if that was the point, and was the cheeriest I’ve seen her in a while, though I won’t name any names. Nabal, though she had considered it, decided not to participate, which was a pity because I could have done without her constant, random, illogical chatter. I also heard of the local peace group planning a “walk out”, where students walk out of their classes during school. Once again, pointless and in no way related to the objective, but this time there also being lazy and anti-scholastic. Needless to say, I won’t participate. On the plus side, there was a protest at the local recruiting center, which went well. I wasn’t there, seeing as it was way too fucking cold to do anything outside, but here’s what my brother said happened: there was a small pro-war group (between a third and half the size of the anti-war one) standing behind them, one of who said “fuck the First Amendment” about the anti-war folks; a semi honked at them, which was good since they had a “Honk for Peace” sign among many other signs and two “Peace” flags (the pro-war group had one sign, which read “Thank our Troops”, and one American flag), and a guy with many Christian bumper stickers stopped by and called them “some of the lowest communist scum out there”, after which the group leader said that that guy had been bothering them for three years.
Also, my health class is pissing me off more and more. We’re learning first aid, just like last year, with assumption of no prior knowledge. This, of course, means that half of last year was just a blip in lesson planning, and a waste of our time. Also, when ever Mr. Fundie mentions breathing, I start thinking about mine. Then me having to consciously breathe makes me think about my blinking. Even typing about it is making it happen. On a humorous note, Nabal seems more deserving of her alias every day. First, she said about how she’s incredibly allergic to bees, yet doesn’t carry her epinephrine pen with her; then, she said that she has a potassium deficiency, yet doesn’t wear the bracelet designed to inform medical personnel of this. These, companied by any other medical problems she’s being an idiot about, are why I predict that she will be dead within the next five years. Speaking of death, It’s time for me to end this entry.

Thursday, November 17, 2005: Jackdaws love my big sphinx of quartz.

Today is a very important holiday. Today is the sixteenth anniversary of my birth. Unfortunately, I just got my permit a month ago, so no licence for me. But, I have reached the age of consent! But, I don’t forsee me using that new right anytime soon. I’m so fucking pathetic. But anyway, here were my gifts: my mom gave me a mug with a quote about celebrating life, some chai tea fixins, and a key ring with a key to the family car and an axolotl on it. W—- gave me a portrait of Andrew Jackson signed by the current Secretary of the Treasury and National Treasurer. My relatives (my sister Sybil’s family, my great aunt, and my sister Stacy’s family) sent me cards, with the sisters giving me family pics and a gift certificate, respectively. I also won a pizza on the local radio station birthday announcements. But, I’m out of time.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005: My god, it’s full of stars.

Welcome, all ye fair travelers of the land, welcome to the Kingdom of Tomen! Today I would like to talk to you about something which irritates me to no end. But first I would like to advise you to read my profile, as it is updated frequently as well. Also, anyone who knows a way to get that profile onto my sidebar, please show yourself and inform me of this technique. At any rate, this bother is that many claim, for reasons unbeknownst to me, that Catholics are exempt from Christian status. If you are currently thinking “what the fuck?”, you are obviously sane, as this makes no sense whatsoever. Or perhaps I am unaware of some Papal decree stating that the New Testiment is compleatly untrue and Jesus was in no way devine if, in fact, He ever existed. Is so, then this Pope may just be a good guy, even if he was a member of Hitler’s Youth back in the day. However, due to lack of news coverage and/or mass riots, I find this unlikely. If someone could please explain how this is supposed to work, I will gladly point out the flaws in your argument. But, I’m out of time. So long!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005: The answer to number 19 is "c".

For all of ye who may enter this realm, allow me to state as follows: I greet thee most eagerly. Today, I would primarily like to speak more of my health class. Firstly, I have an alias for that bitch who thinks that people don’t have rights in school. It shall be “Nâbâl” (though those ^’s are annoying, so I won’t use them). I chose this because it’s Biblical Hebrew for “fool”. ‘Tis fitting, no? Secondly, I have remembered another action of my fundie teacher. He blamed the fall of the Roman Empire on sexual freedom. No, that was not a typo. He actually said that Rome fell because you “could sleep with anyone or anything you wanted to”. Now, of course it fell because the Barbarians conquered them. Everyone but this intolerant fuck knows that. For him to say that just because they didn’t have to follow Christian morals in regards to sexuality their empire collapsed is too horrible for words. And they allow this man to educate the masses. Fuck, you might as well say “the Egyptians were conquered because they were all niggers.” That would have been in equally bad taste, however it would get him fired, and the other didn’t. Ah yes, and he has this childish little habit of having some folks get up at the beginning of class and compliment someone (Nabal was skipped and didn’t care). This, I believe, is because he may not notice that we are in the high school, not the pre-school building. There they want you to all be friends and develop good manners and habits, whereas in later grades they typically respect your right to enjoy certain people’s company and avoid that of others. Not Mr. Fundie (that alias didn’t quite take as long). At any rate, on to better subjects.

I would next wish to speak of a humorous incident which occurred whilst I was randomly browsing the library with a friend of mine, a certain Mr.W—-. While we were going down an aisle, W—- saw a book entitled The Amateur Naturalist. He immediately pulled it out and relieved to see pictures of rocks and plants and the lot. Now, after a bit of evasive conversing, I think that he confused naturalist with naturist, the European/nudist term for, well, nudist. You should have seen the look on his face. You see, I may have pulled it out inquisitively to see if it was what I thought it was, but he freaked out. ‘Twas hilarious! But, of course, he’s a bit more of the strait-laced Christian type than I. At any rate, I must leave now. So long to all of ye!

Monday, November 14, 2005: Always be wary of a blind man holding a gun.

Greetings and salutations, my loyal follower(s). And to the rest of you, welcome to the world of Tomen, or thank you for enduring previous entries. Today I shall speak of my class of health and that which relates to crises. you see, in this class I must endure proximity to three intolerable individuals: the first being one whom I have already mentioned multiple times and is in desperate need of an alias; the second being one who, as well as being an imbecile, is unfriendly toward Atheists (for reasons undefined); and the third being one who happens to teach the class. My major disagreement with him was during class discussions, which I believe I outlined yesterday. Aside from that, he also described himself as an “old Christian” as an explanation for his disliking for swearing (when saying it was school policy would have sufficed) and, when people were saying thing people might be harassed about and writing them on the board, completely ignored someone who said “sexual preference” several times. This, in my mind, screams “fundie”. However, I must leave you with this thought, because I can think of no tangent which takes less than the five minutes I have remaining on this computer. So with this I shall say: Fare well, all ye loyal ſubjects, and may your lives be fruitful. (Not a quote).

Wednesday, November 09, 2005: Holy Shit, I can add a title!

Greetings! I now have a to do list! Here’s what I’ve got so far:
1) Raise grades
2) Learn Spanish, Japanese, and Latin
3) Somehow prove that God doesn’t exist

Crazy, eh? I also figured out that “homicide” is Latin for “manslaughter”. Makes you wonder why they’re separate charges. Anyway, my gym class changed to health, and we had a dealy about harassment today. We got off on a tangent about whether or not wearing a shirt that offends a certain person is harassment. Of course, guess who said yes. I should give her an alias since I don’t know (or care to find out) her real name. Anyway, the teacher gave this example of this guy who said (when people said “just don’t look”) “sure, I’ll go to school wearing my ‘masturbation’ t-shirt. Then I’ll have one with a picture of a guy raping an infant.” It continued, and the point was, well if you don’t know, then how are you smart enough to be literate? At any rate, how’s this? Why don’t I try and get crosses banned, due to the inquisition. Or, since the Ku Klux Klan wears white, let’s not have people wear that. It’d be offensive. See, it works either way.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Hi kids! Today we’re going to talk about segregation. You see, segregation is where certain people go to one place for something and others go to another.This is often for no apparent reason and is merely taken for granted. Can anyone think of something that’s segregated? Anyone? Well, when you go to try on clothes at the mall, don’t they make boys go to certain rooms and girls another? That’s segregation. Now, Why do you think that is? Yes, Johnny, but doesn’t everyone go a different little room? So, why are some of the rooms for boys and others for girls? Does anyone have an answer? Well, why don’t we try another one: can anyone think of something else that’s segregated? Suzie? Yes, that’s absolutely correct. Bathrooms are a wonderful example. Now, do you have any idea about that one? Yes, Billy? Yes, that’s true, boys do have urinals, but don’t you face it? So, people wouldn’t see you, if that worries you. Anyone else? Okay, why don’t we try a third one: you see, when you’re older, you’ll have to change your clothes before and after gym class. You do this in big rooms called locker rooms. Yes, together, Bobby. Sh, sh! Now, there are usually two of them: one for boys and one for girls. Why do you think that is? Yes, but you have to get used to that with either other boys or other girls, anyway, so why not with both? Yes, Angie? Yes, but some girls like girls and some boys like boys, so someone might like you there anyway. anyone else? No? Well, It’s time for nap now. We’ll talk about this more afterwords.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Greetings! I’ve decided to write entries again! Of course, since I don’t have internet at the current moment I have to do it at the library, meaning that I can’t do those long-ass entries we all know and love, since I’m limited to only an hour a day. But anyway, back to that dumb-fuck I reported on yesterday. Showing such a fundamental flaw in the most rudementary logic is just one of those things that makes you look at someone differently. I mean, I didn’t even know she existed before, but now she makes me nervous. Okay, listen to this: if we say that folks can’t dress up as Hitler because it would offend Jews, gays, Gypsies, et cetera, then what next? I saw a devil. Will they let the fundies ban that? And let’s not forget about witches. Or even better, angels. They represent Xianity, which, as a Xian actually admitted to, is a hate group. They hate non-Xians (like Jews), gays… hey, wait a second… hmmm. Coincidence? Anyway, let’s get off this topic until I have more time. Back to Tinker vs. the Board of Education. If you didn’t look it up, here’s the lowdown: Mary-Beth Tinker and her brother (whose name eludes me) wore these peace sign armbands to school during that war in that one Asian country. What was it called? Oh yeah, Vietnam. At any rate, the bastards in charge of that institution told them to remove them. they took it to court, because they knew more than most folks ’round here (in the states, that is). The bastards at their school did shit like say someone should kill their father over the radio, but still they fought. The Supreme Court made the decision which common sense dictated: that people don’t shed their rights upon entering the schoolhouse. Anyway, that’s about it for today. Bye!

Monday, October 31, 2005

Hi! ‘Tis Halloween today, and I figured I might as well talk about it. I couldn’t think of anything to dress up as. I had considered going as God: I would stay home and have a friend hand out cards (in their handwriting) which says that I was indeed there and that anyone who disagrees with this should be put to death. Also that thou shalt not kill. And if they disagreed, then the friend should say that it breaks every natural law because every classroom must have me there. But, I didn’t think of this until this morning. At any rate, a few people dressed up. One person dressed up in a giant tellitubby outfit. I thought it was funny, but a lot of folks beat the shit out of her. Someone else, who I didn’t see, was dressed as Hitler. I heard about it before gym, when a Jewish chick was bitching about it. Now, I’m not saying that I minded her doing so. If I saw someone dressed up as Ignacious de Loyola (he started the inquisition), I would probably be offended. What I did have a problem with was what she said next. Someone said something about free speech, and she said that it’s free speech if they’re walking down the street, but if they’re in school it’s not. Huh? And she was one of those folks who will repeat a phrase like that several times in a row in order to imitate conversation. After each repetition, I said “that makes no sense”. She ignored me, perhaps because she had no response. Then some folks agreed with me and I spoke with them. I just can’t stand morons. I mean, yes, Hitler ordered the death of lots of Gypsies, Jews, Gays, and disabled folks (everyone ignores all of them except for the Jews), but does that make dressing up as him not free speech? and to say that free speech doesn’t apply in school. What a fucking dumb ass. The Supreme court has ruled on this, you know. Tinker vs. some educational thing. You’ll have to look it up for yourself, because I’m out of time.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Greetings! I just got back from the new house, and it was interesting. I was there for two nights, and the following happened:
First day: we had to bring Tomen, so that we could give him his antibiotics. He has to take amoxicillin to prevent infection from his last infection. Then Mom cooked a great meal, and we were just serving ourselves when Mark (my step dad to be) turned off the TV (Spike was watching The Silence of the Lambs). Spike was naturally upset, and said something to the effect of “hey, I was watching that!” Mark then exploded and was yelling about how Spike “isn’t the boss”. Needless to say, Spike didn’t take that shit, considering he lets his own children watch TV and eat, and he’s been treating us like guests as long as we’ve been with him, which has been at least a year and a half. All of this added up to Spike yelling a few things at Mark, the only one I can remember being “fuck you!” Mark then told him to get out of his house. We then got into a heated debate and were about to leave for quite a while, causing most of us to cry since we loved the girls (Mark’s daughters) so much. After Mark and Mom talked a while, Mark had a talk with Spike, after which Spike said they had it pretty much figured out. We’ll see about that.
Second day: we got stuff unpacked, and went on about five walks. some were to the park, and one was to a garage sale, where I got a leash for Luby, a candle with a moon thingy for Mom, and a Red Hot Chili Peppers cassette (What Hits!?) for me, which I would be listening to, were it not for the fact that our only working/powered cassette player we own was left at the new house. The rest of the walks were just exploring town. we found a hardware store that was kind of interesting, along with a neat office supply store with everything (even restroom signs), that we later realized was where my dad gets mechanical pencils. We also found two churches, however neither of them have those stupid sayings like “be a fisher of men” (which inspired my dad to do a drawing), and the one we were seeing them at was replaced by a boring signless church. Anyway, this new place has a much better church record than Brainerd, where every church is within a short walk of at least one other. One can only imagine what kinds of denominations that no one’s ever heard of have churches there.
Third day: we left, though first I saw one of the dumbest sci-fi shows ever. It’s called “Time Cop”. Here’s a rundown: two years from now (that’s not a typo, it really does take place in 2007) time travel has been invented, and is done using wrist-thingies that look like they came out of a happy meal. Some criminals use it to commit crimes in the past. When they do, it’s detected by this device in a police station (why none of these automatically destroy it is beyond me). The folks working at it are the modern series cliché: a male by-the-book boss, an organized, intelligent woman, who is the smartest, cleverest, overall best character, and a low average IQ guy who does everything but ultimately relies on the woman. He gets sent back in time and tries to apprehend the criminal, without any regard for damage to history (talking to people, shooting, etc.. Did I mention that they use ray guns that look like they came from a toy store? They also use the worst sci-fi concept ever:” you can’t touch yourself, or you’ll cease to exist, since the same matter can’t occupy the same space at the same time”. Whoever thought of this rule should be forced to rape himself from before he invented it, to prove himself wrong before it inflicts as much damage as it presently has. Here’s that assumption debunked: That would apply on the atomic scale (or lower), making lining up yourself just right impossible, skin flakes are constantly being blown off of you, meaning some part of you touching your alter-ego is inevitable, you are not made up of the same matter your entire life, atoms of the same element are identical (so “the same matter” would be nothing special), and touching something does not make you coincide with it. Got it? now let’s see the series finale and get some decent shows on the sci-fi channel.
Anyway, Spike also made an observation about commercials. Ever notice that condom commercials are only on a few channels and use ridiculous euphemisms, and commercials for tampons/vaginal itch cream/anything else that goes in a female crotch (aside from condoms) are on every channel that doesn’t cater specifically to men (at least I don’t think they’re on those) and speak very frankly. I mean, I know these products are very important, and are used by every woman between puberty and menopause, but aren’t condoms supposed to be important? I mean, they are supposed to protect us from diseases and pregnancy, or something like that. Shouldn’t they be on every channel?
Another curiosity of mine was the problem of removing body parts. Vasectomies, appendectomies, (insert body part you can evidently live without here)ectomies. What happens with the blood vessels? I mean, blood is moved out of the heart by veins and brought back by arteries, and the surgery would take away some connections, wouldn’t it? And then, wouldn’t the blood just pound on the new dead end until it bled? Do doctors really rearrange the blood vessels to line up properly? That seems like it would take a long time to work out. Or do they just do that naturally? What about non-professional amputations? Wouldn’t the burning prevent that from happening? It’s not like the void would turn into a sinus. That would greatly compromise the integrity and efficiency of our cardiovascular system, and seems very unlikely.
If you didn’t run away because of the polysyllabic words in the last paragraph, then here’s another rant for you: people in America are such idiots. If you’re reading this blog, you most likely already know this. But I must mention that the typical American could easily swallow Time Cop as reasonable, not to mention whatever the churches are telling them now. Plus there’s the fact that some people actually believe that we’re the only country with basic freedoms. In eighth grade geography we had a french foreign exchange student talk to the class. Someone actually asked her if she felt freer in America. What an idiot! She just told him that America isn’t any freer than Europe and that it just pumps out a lot more propaganda. Damn I hate this country.
By the way, did you ever notice that Xanga’s spell checker doesn’t recognize swear words? Wonder if there’s some rule against using them, or if the sight-makers just thought they wouldn’t be used that much. Anyway, so long for now!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Hello again! Today Tomen got back, and he’s weird as ever. Maybe worse. You see, he’s been paranoid since he was neutered (and for good reasons), and I wouldn’t be surprised if each of these surgeries made that worse.
In other news, the Apocalypse, which has been impending since a middle eastern carpenter predicted it nearly two millennia ago, has still not occurred (Sorry, I just find that very funny).
Anyway, I think I’ll start writing my own parody Bible (like God [aka "brocen"{see my subscriptions }]). It’ll be a verse-by-verse parody of the King James Bible with the Apocrypha, and I’ll call it the King Jones Version (kind of a stupid name, but oh well). Some verses will be more realistic, some will be more fucked up, some will have a few words added, some removed, et cetera. More to come on that.
And as for that e-mail from that preaching chick, I’m not one to give most of my attention to petty name-calling, but I will demand an apology and mention the whole “You’d have to be an idiot to be a Xian” thing, and ask them “if even the fool can figure it out, then what’s your problem?” Unfortunately, they’ll most likely respond with something like “We didn’t know that it would offend you so much. We meant it as spiritual guidance, not an insult!” and go off into some tangent about how it’s somehow not an insult, “but if it makes [me] feel better, then sorry”. Then I’ll just have to set them strait. Depressing.

At any rate, here’s Psalms 14:1, King Jones style (version 1.1)-
Even the fool hath said in his heart, “There is no God. He is corrupt, He has done abominable Works, He doeth no good.”

Monday, August 22, 2005

Hello again! O’er the weekend me and the family went to the new house (we’re moving soon, but I’ll stay in the same metro [at least here on Xanga]) and stayed for a couple of nights. Whilst we were there we met another neighbor and got my room somewhat more livable (removed the linoleum, got rid of the nails in the walls, tore down these boards covering up the chimney, vacuumed, and scrubbed the walls and floor).
We also investigated the nearby graveyard. As most cemeteries around here are, it was filled with crosses and that stupid praying hands thingy that every Xian’s afraid to admit looks stupid, and stuff about how they’re in heaven. Just once I’d like to see a non-Xian symbol, or a text against the afterlife, or even someone saying they’re in Hell on their tombstone. Sometimes I wonder if non-Xians even get buried up here in Minnesota. That, along with the fact that 99.99% of all tombstones are in Times New Roman (a font that I only use because of Xanga’s limited selections) takes some of the fun out of graveyard walking. But what I saw on one of the gates was even worse. A cross. On the fucking gate! That’s kind of like pissing on the graves of the non-Xians, wouldn’t you agree? I should throw rocks at it until it comes down. I hope the church across the street doesn’t call the cops (though I think I could handle it if they just called God). It wasn’t all bad, though. There were a few graves that had hilarious nonsensical inscriptions like “Asleep in Jesus” and “Not lost, but gone early”. That’s probably why zombies eat everyone. They want revenge for their bad tombstone inscriptions. Do me a favor: Xians, if you are still Xian when you die, get a hilarious inscription like those ones up there. Non-Xians, proclaim your beliefs just as loudly on your tombstone (I need a thesaurus) as the Christophiles.
Anyway, when we got back we played with our dogs Luby and Chancey, and then when Luby jumped and started scratching her face we noticed that we were under a wasp nest. Later we notice her eyelid was puffed up. We put ice on it and took her for a car ride to make her happy.
When we got home we noticed that my cat (after whom this account is named) was dieing again. I can speak lightly of it because the vet eventually agreed to see him even though we owe over $1000 for removing two urinary blockages and one reproductive system (so that he’ll never get a blockage again). So anyway, the vet removed the blockage which he couldn’t get (I’m considering a malpractice suit) and he’s going to keep Tomen overnight.
I also got an e-mail back from this chick who tried to convert me to Xianity during a “survey on spirituality”. In it, she partially tried to prove Biblical inerrancy, and called me and all non-Xians fools. To be more precise she quoted Psalms 14:1, which is a verse which makes you want to feed the quoter their own hands. It says: ” The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.”, or in The Message: “A David psalm. Bilious and bloated, they gas, “God is gone.” Their words are poison gas, fouling the air; they poison Rivers and skies; thistles are their cash crop.” (That last one confuses me). Of course, she only quoted the fool part, leaving out the part that says that I’m pure evil. That, of course, is like me ending my e-mail with “You’d have to be some sort of idiot to be a Christian” (I tried to be nice and avoid using “Xian” in my last e-mail. That will now stop.)

In light of the religious nature of that last bit, I think a verse or two is necessary:

KJV
1 Timothy 1:4-
Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do.

Titus 3:9-
But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.

MSG (Even its abbreviation is funny!)
1 Timothy 1:4-
Apparently some people have been introducing fantasy stories and fanciful family trees that digress into silliness instead of pulling the people back into the center, deepening faith and obedience.

Titus 3:9-
Stay away from mindless, pointless quarreling over genealogies and fine print in the law code. That gets you nowhere.

Wycliffe (for the Hell of it)
1 Timothy 1:4-
nether yyue tent to fablis and genologies that ben vncerteyn, whiche yyuen questiouns, more than edificacioun of God, that is in the feith.

Titus 3:9-
And eschewe thou foltische questiouns, and genologies, and stryues, and fiytyngis of the lawe; for tho ben vnprofitable and veyn.

I think most should be able to appreciate these verses importance, the stupidity of The Message, and just how far this language has come since 1385.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Well, the Book Cult meeting wasn’t nearly as bad as I had expected it to be, seeing as only 1-1.5 Xians showed up. Okay, maybe 2.5, someone had to leave for tae kwon do before stuff got religious. Anyway, it started out simple: “Who finished the book?” (Everyone but the one sure Xian [Who got confused and put it down] and tae kwon do girl [who was "reading something else"]), “What character do you most Identify with?”(Me-Jason, God-The Ten Legged One, Stacy [High Priestess of the Book Cult]-the pods, and Spike just kept saying a bunch of characters that weren’t even in the book), then it got into interesting stuff about souls, cloning, Xianity, Agnosticism, whether Atheism is nonbelief in dieties or the supernatural in general, and other theological stuff. It got to loud argument status at some points, but all in all it was good. Afterwords, those of us remaining began planning our Freethinking group, BLAM! We’re thinking of holding it in the school, since there are already religious groups there. Hell, we could make it a Bible study group and be welcomed with arms wide open (so long as we didin’t tell them just what parts of The Bible we’re studying)!

Speaking of The Bible, I’m reading and annotating it. I’m only to Genesis 2, but it’s still interesting. I’m trying to stay away from what the SAB has, since they’ve got it already. I’m doing a lot of stuff like translation checks (“God” (‘Elohiym) in Genesis seems like it should be “gods”, with “LORD” (Yahweh) being one of them) and confronting modern ideas within Bible-based religions (figurative creation, for example). I’m thinking of getting it published as a “Bible companion”. I can just imagine the look on a Xian’s face after buying it. “There’s no way they actually meant that like it sounds. I thought ‘generation’ meant ‘race’! That’s what my pastor told me! Ahhhh!”

I also think I should learn those Biblical languages and translate it. It would be refreashing having a translation by a Non-Judaio-Xian, don’t you think? See how this text fairs without the watchful eyes of the pious. Might as well try for The Qur’an while I’m at it. Of course this wouldn’t get done anytime soon, but hey, a guy can dream.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Hi there! I just got done with the book Godless. It was an interesting read. Well, the book Club meeting on it will be very interesting. You see, the local “Teen Extreme” (it’s scary when those kind of retarded gimmick names that do more harm than good don’t get to you) book club (Half expected it to be spelled with a “k”, didn’t you?) is really just a bunch of people (most of whom haven’t read the book) hanging out and chatting (I’m going to squeeze in another set of parenthesis, just for the fuck of it). Oddly enough, all of the people who never read the book voted for it, and those who always read the book booed and said (and I quote) “I’m not reading that godless book!” Might I add that this was all due to the title. That just shows you how much of a fucked-up fundie state I live in. I mean, no one I’ve heard of is pushing for creationism to be taught around here, so I guess it’s okay, but some fundies say “but the Earth is only 6000 years old!” during science/history class. So it’s not exactly Kansas, but it’s far from England. Anyway, it’s in a couple of days, and I’ll inform you of what happens then.

Also, for those of you who like funny parts of the Bible, i.e.

Matthew 21:5-7 KJV-1611
(5) Tell yee the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy king commeth vnto thee, meeke, and sitting vpon an Asse, and a colt, the foale of an Asse.
(6) And the Disciples went, and did as Iesus commanded them,
(7) And brought the Asse, and the colt, and put on them their clothes, and they set him thereon.

I have found the funniest Bible ever! It’s called The Message, and it’s a paraphrased piece of shit in casual language! Here’s those same verses:

Matthew 21:5-7 MSG
(5) Tell Zion’s daughter, “Look, your king’s on his way, poised and ready, mounted On a donkey, on a colt, foal of a pack animal.”
(6) The disciples went and did exactly what Jesus told them to do.
(7) They led the donkey and colt out, laid some of their clothes on them, and Jesus mounted.

And if you think that’s funny, here’s Genesis 1:

Genesis 1:1-31 MSG
(1) First this: God created the Heavens and Earth–all you see, all you don’t see.
(2) Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness. God’s Spirit brooded like a bird above the watery abyss.
(3) God spoke: “Light!” And light appeared.
(4) God saw that light was good and separated light from dark.
(5) God named the light Day, he named the dark Night. It was evening, it was morning– Day One.
(6) God spoke: “Sky! In the middle of the waters; separate water from water!”
(7) God made sky. He separated the water under sky from the water above sky. And there it was:
(8) he named sky the Heavens; It was evening, it was morning– Day Two.
(9) God spoke: “Separate! Water-beneath-Heaven, gather into one place; Land, appear!” And there it was.
(10) God named the land Earth. He named the pooled water Ocean. God saw that it was good.
(11) God spoke: “Earth, green up! Grow all varieties of seed-bearing plants, Every sort of fruit-bearing tree.” And there it was.
(12) Earth produced green seed-bearing plants, all varieties, And fruit-bearing trees of all sorts. God saw that it was good.
(13) It was evening, it was morning– Day Three.
(14) God spoke: “Lights! Come out! Shine in Heaven’s sky! Separate Day from Night. Mark seasons and days and years,
(15) Lights in Heaven’s sky to give light to Earth.” And there it was.
(16) God made two big lights, the larger to take charge of Day, The smaller to be in charge of Night; and he made the stars.
(17) God placed them in the heavenly sky to light up Earth
(18) And oversee Day and Night, to separate light and dark. God saw that it was good.
(19) It was evening, it was morning– Day Four.
(20) God spoke: “Swarm, Ocean, with fish and all sea life! Birds, fly through the sky over Earth!”
(21) God created the huge whales, all the swarm of life in the waters, And every kind and species of flying birds. God saw that it was good.
(22) God blessed them: “Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Ocean! Birds, reproduce on Earth!”
(23) It was evening, it was morning– Day Five.
(24) God spoke: “Earth, generate life! Every sort and kind: cattle and reptiles and wild animals–all kinds.” And there it was:
(25) wild animals of every kind, Cattle of all kinds, every sort of reptile and bug. God saw that it was good.
(26) God spoke: “Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature So they can be responsible for the fish in the sea, the birds in the air, the cattle, And, yes, Earth itself, and every animal that moves on the face of Earth.”
(27) God created human beings; he created them godlike, Reflecting God’s nature. He created them male and female.
(28) God blessed them: “Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge! Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air, for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth.”
(29) Then God said, “I’ve given you every sort of seed-bearing plant on Earth And every kind of fruit-bearing tree, given them to you for food.
(30) To all animals and all birds, everything that moves and breathes, I give whatever grows out of the ground for food.” And there it was.
(31) God looked over everything he had made; it was so good, so very good! It was evening, it was morning– Day Six.

Ain’t that something? I can just imagine God in this one saying “Hehe… neat.” when He sees the stuff is good. This Bible is easy to find: it’s cover is white with a golden sun with big rays coming out, and the words “The Message” written in conflicting fonts (ala Night of the Living Dead). It’s crazy.

But I’m running out of time. So until then, here’s another passage:

Leviticus 21:18-20 KJV-1611
(18) For whatsoeuer man hee be that hath a blemish, he shall not approche: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
(19) Or a man that is broken footed, or broken handed,
(20) Or crooke backt, or a dwarfe, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scuruy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken:

Leviticus 21:18-20 MSG
(18) That means anyone who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed,
(19) crippled in foot or hand,
(20) hunchbacked or dwarfed, who has anything wrong with his eyes, who has running sores or damaged testicles.